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  • Golden Road
    Joined:
    The Future of Food
    Anyone see this movie? Anyone? I'm curious and may rent via NetFlix. "All energy flows according to the whims of the Great Magnet. What a fool I was to defy him."
  • TigerLilly
    Joined:
    In and Out
    As promised to marye. Is a comedy, starring Kevin Klein, Matt Dillon, Joan Cusak, and Tom Sellick. Kevin Klein is a schoolteacher, who is engaged to Joan Cusak (who is brilliant in this film, her adventures make me pee my pants). Matt Dillon is a former student who "outs" Kevin Klein at the Oscars. As you can imagine, a whole hooplah ensues (is a small conservative town where everybody knows everybody). There are episodes in this film that made me laugh until I had tears in my eyes. There is a scene of Kevin Klein trying to be macho that is a real comedic gem. And I will say no more than that, in case you decide to see it.
  • Golden Road
    Joined:
    My Cousin Vinny
    Forgot about this one but it's on one of the cable premium channels today, which reminded me. "All energy flows according to the whims of the Great Magnet. What a fool I was to defy him."
  • TigerLilly
    Joined:
    Damn fine story
    Batman!!!!!!!! Am glad to read that both you and that creature ended your encounter unharmed. Perhaps it had some message for you??? Perhaps you have passed some initiation test, and are now in the secret Bat brotherhood? Or perhaps he came to cleanse your house of some malignant insect spirit? The vision of some guy charging around his house in the middle of the night, equipped with Lacrosse gear just cracks me up.
  • Golden Road
    Joined:
    The End
    I awoke and noticed the sky was now fully illuminated by a hidden sun that sulked behind the dark horizon. The living room looked like a psychedelic Chucky Cheese experiment that had gone terribly wrong. Pastel colored pens littered the floor, a child’s motley and ragged stuffed bear hung precariously from a valance over the window that looks out to (what will one day be) our private garden and a fluorescent colored ping-pong ball lay in the middle of the kitchen floor. Ping-pong ball??? Where the hell did that come from, I wondered? I hadn’t actually seen the winged Ozzy Ozbourne of Death leave via the open door but after the anti-aircraft barrage I had done an extensive search of the house for the bat, going to each accessible room and it’s corners like a S.W.A.T. officer in a low production movie “clearing” them nervously, holding a baton type Maglite (the one with like 12 “D” batteries that weighs 30 lbs.) and the smaller version of the lacrosse stick (and helmet, of course). I repeated the sweep of the house several times and had declared an “all clear” to myself. I had won! It had taken a slightly longer time but all was righteous in a world where humans sat atop the pyramid of the Animal Kingdom. Immediately upon my personal declaration of victory, I ingested 75 mgs of Benadryl to accelerate the sleep process and re-started my movie. That had been little more than an hour ago but why was I awake again? The bliss of success faded faster than my rising fear and adrenalin as I spotted the furry vampire making, once again, it’s way around my living room! FUCK! This struggle had accelerated from a chance encounter between human and beast to a personal competition, which involved bragging rights between two social members and their respective groups. Bats are planning to take over the world, I reasoned. I was merely part of a twisted test scenario and perhaps the destiny of much more would be at stake if I failed, again. There are circumstances when we are pushed to our limits that define the nature of true grit. The sort of experiences that separate the preverbal “men from boys” in life that define timeless and vintage conflicts that ultimately pit the characters of fictional stories against real life dilemmas. What the heck did Chris Farley and David Spade do in that movie, “Black Sheep”, I asked? I ran to the closet and grabbed one of our large beach towels and used my wife’s nursing tape to affix it to the handle of the long pole version lacrosse stick. The other end, I attached to a formidable sized broom and using all my strength I held it open like some deranged version of a character cobbled together from Mad Max and William Wallace and charged the bat as it flew around the living room, timing my assault to corral the beast and force it into the office where I could, at least, confine it from the larger area which it had inhabited the past several hours. It sensed the onslaught and darted (as planned) into the office. I quickly slammed the French doors and barricaded them with the large (and heavy) beach towel at the threshold. Now to go outside, open the window and let nature (finally) take it’s course. Outside, I realized that I had not unlocked the window from the inside prior to my ingenious plan. Drats! Having locked myself out on at least one occasion since moving to this house, I had learned (the hard way) that these window locks are impenetrable to the old fashioned methods of defeat. I realized I would have to enter the office to put an end to this war, once and for all. Back inside, I “suited up” and cracked the door to see if I could detect a time when I could make my way inside without allowing the creature to escape. I detected no motion and after a few moments I slipped into the office, closed and LOCKED the door behind me. This struggle would end here, one-way or other and SOON. I unlocked the window and wrenched at the sill to open the upper half of the double hung pane but it wouldn’t budge. The effort had attracted the attention of my combatant and it swooped down toward me in several “dive bomb” attempts to rattle my nerve as I rattled the glass by hitting the frame several times with my palm, hoping the damn thing would break free of whatever kept it from opening. Finally I opened the lower half of the window and retreated to the confines of a small hallway that leads to our back room, which was at one time, a covered porch that was converted to indoor space some years prior to our purchase of the home. As I waited, the bat flew by near the ceiling level occasionally flying up to the closed section of window and veering away before repeating a circle of the small room. I couldn’t tell if it was toying with my hopes or attempting a bid at it’s own retreat. After several moments of repeating this dance, the bat again decided to take a rest and perched on the interior of the brick wall that extends from the living room to the office, which is the same wall containing the window. It looked over at me with it’s tiny pig nose huffing for oxygen and a sense of what I might do next. I could see it’s beady black eyes, it’s brown/black fur and the leathery skin of ears and wings drawn taught as it converted itself to a wall crawling contortionist. The beast was quite amazing and I felt a slight hint of admiration for it, bordering on compassion. It was looking directly at me when I blurted out, “For the love of God will you please leave my house!?! Go out the window, NOW!” It immediately flung itself airborne and made two or three low level circles around the office, one time flying into the cubby I occupied, causing me to hit the carpet in fear, before darting out the window and into the first rays of the suns direct light. I rushed over and slammed the window shut breathing a sigh of relief as I flopped into the computer chair. I took off the helmet and gloves, dropping them like a 1st grader home from the first full day of classes as I sloughed back to the couch. The Benadryl had taken it’s toll on me and having opted for a Seinfeld season 8 DVD instead of my chosen flick, I almost immediately fell into a twilight between sleep and a foggy conscience state. I said a short prayer that my enemy had found safe passage back home when my wife appeared at the hallway’s entrance, holding both our Yorkies with a puzzled look (all three of them) and asked, “What the hell happened in here?” “Just a bad case of insomnia,” I replied as I gathered my pillows and headed down the hall for bed. I had had enough of Bat Country. "All energy flows according to the whims of the Great Magnet. What a fool I was to defy him."
  • TigerLilly
    Joined:
    Oh
    am on the edge of my seat!!!!!! PLEASE DO continue, G.R. And in the meantime will try to decide whether you have earned the Poe award for dark and suspenseful literary efforts, or the Bats in the Belfry award-or BOTH!!!!!
  • Golden Road
    Joined:
    This is Bat Country!
    Last night, after my evening shift, I lay down on the couch and prepared for what has become a rather routine ritual watching of "Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas". As I settled in to a comfy position with my favorite pillows, I became blissfully aware that I might not be awake past the opening scenes. Soon, my dreams and reality swirled together and I fell into a light sleep. The next thing I remember hearing was the line, “We can't stop here. This is bat country!” I opened my eyes to see one of these winged devil birds flying right at me! I’ve often had the experience of my dreams combining with reality as in the fabled ringing of the alarm clock becoming something other than reality as one dreams but this was fucking ridiculous (sorry Izzy)! As my senses restored me to this partition of reality, I squinted in the dim backdrop of TV light (and through a small opening in the blanket I now had securely over my frightened head) to render further visual confirmation of this winged menace. In the flickering light of the various changes in movie scenes I could see the bat as it fluttered about the room silently, it’s transmuted form mocking the laws of physics and it’s echo locating chirps mocking my fear as it swooped down around me in a passing circular flight pattern. I’m an animal lover but when it comes to bats, I draw the line. I’m not saying I want them dead nor do I dismiss their benefits in terms of insect control but respect does not directly translate to the cuddle love I feel for other members of the mammal species. I mean ‘c’mon they’re 4-5 oz of pure terror! “Poor bastards, wait ‘till you see the goddamn bats….” The clock indicated 0220 hrs. and I intended to make quick work of this ferocious but small brained little enemy and be back in La-la land before the next whole hour. I had had some runs before with these pesky spawns of Satan, twice in cabins while on vacation. The trick is to open windows and doors so they can make themselves scarce, hopefully in short order by keeping them flying. Left to their own time schedule, bats can become unwanted freeloaders overnight, especially during the hottest nights of summer. Once they get the message they aren’t wanted, they begin looking for the Great Outdoors (wink). No need for violence or fly swatters, just easy work for a (now certified by this site) Super Genius. While my family slept safe in their beds, I began opening windows and the front door to make an easy egress for my winged nemesis. Now to sit back and wait and as I did so, I realized something. This was truly bat country! There were hordes of these creatures in my new neighborhood verified by myself on several dusk walks since moving here. Not to fear, this won’t take long…….. Several hours later found me donning a lacrosse helmet along with a two varying length “sticks” of the same sport and gloves from my sons’ left over sporting goods supplies that I had managed to obtain while maintaining my own hide intact, no thanks to my winged adversary that, no doubt, had emerged straight from Hell itself. This “Thing” had become amused at being quite capable of reeking pure terror at my expense. Wherever I went, “It” followed (with the great outdoors being the exception). Three times I had been expelled from my own abode and had “It” been in possession of opposable thumbs, I’m quite convinced I’d have been knocking at my wife’s bedroom window for re-entry. With every window in the house available to the creature now open, there were ample opportunities for a quick snack to this free loading winged rodent, as it terrorized it’s host while the insect masses not yet eaten alive, unwittingly descended upon my once pristine living room. Preferring what was left of the air conditioned air in the house, the bat reneged on dozens of close calls to exit via one of the many open portals, instead choosing to flutter ever closer to my person each time it vacated one of it’s choice perches at either of the rough brick interior walls we have in our living room. While perched upside down as it rested, the bat could be seen twisting it’s little nose at me while it’s snickering voice mocked my efforts. “Poor bastard”, that line must have been meant for me, written by a man who clearly knew the extent of his enemy’s cunning. As the wee hours of night were about to become shattered by the first rays of dawn’s early light, my opponent took an extended rest perched on one of the interior brick walls that run perpendicular to the front door, with it’s opening to freedom only several yards away. I assessed my options in the respite of my office which I had accessed during the lull by doing a barrel roll over the couch (catching my ankle on the hard wood of the large coffee table’s corner) and sprinting (despite the intense pain) the remaining distance as my enemy rested, all the while amused by my panic stricken antics, I’m sure. As my back was shoring the closed French doors to the office behind me and my chest heaved to suck in precious oxygen, I looked around the room for anything that might aid me in a “cattle drive” effort to rid my dwelling of this vermin, once and for all. After failing to imagine a “McGuiver” bat eviction device concocted from paper clips and spare parallel computer cables, I spied a basket containing my Yorkies’ stuffed animal collection (which they never play with ‘cause they would have to be put on the floor for such activities - which never happens – they spend their entire lives being held like babies). On the desk above was an old plastic drinking cup containing about 50 disposable ink pens garnered from half a lifetime of attending conventions, hotels and various other activities resulting in the receipt of promotional novelties. Whether due to the tightness of the lacrosse helmet, the summer’s late heat wave or the delirious desire to re-enter Sleep’s dark and silent gate, I found myself standing behind the doors to my office armed (literally) with about 8 or 9 small sized stuffed animals, a fist full of cheap Bic pens and a plan to become a human anti-aircraft Gatling gun, in an effort to drive away the fury weasel out the front door. So, in an older, fatter and nearly balder version of John McClane, I burst through the doors yelling, “Yippeee-ki-yay motherfucker!!!!” as a barrage of sophisticated weaponry was dispersed in the direction of my unwitting enemy. To be continued…… "All energy flows according to the whims of the Great Magnet. What a fool I was to defy him."
  • c_c
    Joined:
    deleted Caddyshack scene
  • c_c
    Joined:
    "So I jump ship in Hong Kong
    "So I jump ship in Hong Kong and make my way over to Tibet, and I get on as a looper at a course over in the Himalayas. A looper, you know, a caddy, a looper, a jock. So, I tell them I'm a pro jock, and who do you think they give me? The Dalai Lama, himself. Twelfth son of the Lama. The flowing robes, the grace, bald... striking. So, I'm on the first tee with him. I give him the driver. He hauls off and whacks one - big hitter, the Lama - long, into a ten-thousand foot crevasse, right at the base of this glacier. Do you know what the Lama says? Gunga galunga... gunga, gunga-galunga. So we finish the eighteenth and he's gonna stiff me. And I say, "Hey, Lama, hey, how about a little something, you know, for the effort, you know." And he says, "Oh, uh, there won't be any money, but when you die, on your deathbed, you will receive total consciousness." So I got that goin' for me, which is nice" "Bark like a dog." "Freeze Gopher!" ---- Carl Spackler
  • unbrknchain
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    Bill Murray.....
    "Hey, no ones using this cart! I think I'll take a quick drive down the street and have a drink." LOL
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Let's talk movies!!
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"There he goes. One of God's own prototypes. A high-powered mutant of some kind never even considered for mass production. Too weird to live, and too rare to die." I do remember you, now. We did have some great times! "There was madness in any direction, at any hour. You could strike sparks anywhere. There was a fantastic universal sense that whatever we were doing was right, that we were winning. And that, I think, was the handle - -that sense of inevitable victory over the forces of Old and Evil. Not in any mean or military sense; we didn't need that. Our energy would simply prevail. We had all the momentum; we were riding the crest of a high and beautiful wave. So now, less than five years later, you can go up on a steep hill in 'Hillcrest Heights' and with the right kind of eyes you can almost see the high-water mark - that place where the wave finally broke and rolled back." I can remember....I do remember! What does it mean now?
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the really cool thing about Trek, was, at a time of political turmoil, gender equality issues, and racial trouble in the states, as well as the cold war, there was a black, female officer and a Russian officer... of course the Trek women were wearing mini-dresses, so some hardcore feminists may have had issues with that... the only losers in Trek were the Crewman Expendables... Kirk, Spock, Dr. McCoy and Yoman Johnson beam down to planet X. Who do you think is going to get eaten by the mysterious alien?? poor old Crewman Expendable. great scripts, great lines abound. How many times did Kirk get laid?? even Spock got laid. talk about equal rights for all 'beings' then again, others have their own ideas: http://allyourtrekarebelongto.us/gayks.htm
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what is that Paul Simon lyric about memories being better than the reality was??
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I thought he said everything looks WORSE in black & white.....until 1991 and the Central Park Concert, that is....Speaking of this song, name the movie that Kodachrome was part of a sound track which also had a Red Hot Chilli Peppers song written just for this movie, called "Soul to Squeeze" which is not available on any RHCP album? Better get it before GRTUD logs back on! He's a nut for this movie, too. "All energy flows according to the whims of the Great Magnet. What a fool I was to defy him."
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never would have remembered that, until I heard it again; was it really only in Central Park he said 'better?' now I have a project to check that out. anyways, great fucking concert in Central Park, I love the Brazillian/African percussion stuff. Paul Simon's dad was a professor at NYU? or some city college back in the 60's. A guy I know had him as a teacher, anyway, one day this guy I know and Prof. Simon are on the street, and Prof. Simon says, my son is coming to meet me. Up walks Paul Simon, the guy I know had no idea it was 'THE' Paul Simon, (wasn't into his music I guess and this was early in his career, anyways he didn't recognize him) so this guy I know, says to Paul Simon, 'so, what do you do?' Paul was quite gracious, responding with something like, 'well, aside from my music, I also like to...' (I forgot what else he said) at that moment, the guy I know, realized it was THE Paul Simon. as for the movie?? I have no idea, dude. will you abide me? or do I have to wait for GRTUD to abide me?
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That's a great story CC Joe! I love the surreal undertone of how close we are yet how far away, at the same time. Hmmmmm, in fact it reminds me of the song, "Slip Sliding Away". The Central Park show was incredible, I agree! The movie my fiend refers to is "Coneheads". Don't mind Golden Road, he just gets carried away with all this cloak and dagger stuff. He misses the danger and thrills of life, I suspect. Can't ever be sure with that guy. I myself would just like to move the whole human race ahead a few steps......or a step........or a half step. Peace Brother and have a good and safe trip. When do you leave? Is this a business or pleasure trip or both? The Dude Abides!
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an example of fucking Hollywoodland botching up a good schtick. take a perfectly good comedy idea and try to turn it into a 90 minute movie... I should have left already, but shit got delayed. pretty soon. everything I do is 'pleasure' ( -;
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i thought it was pretty funny with beldar singing tainted love...hollywood has a horrible habit of ruining decent SNL skits, night at the roxybury, PAT, coneheads,blue brothers,...christ if belushi were still alive they probably would've pitched a samuri something movie or the greek restaurant...i thought that coneheads came out when no one would remember who the coneheads were...though lauraine newman sometimes wore a skull and roses T-shirt, lets not forget that...
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Blues Brothers was a great movie. (the first one) a wonderful collection of soul/blues greats with plenty of car chases. "The highway is for gamblers, you'd better use your sense. Take what you have gathered from coincidence"
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There are a ton that must be watched everytime they are on the boob tube....I was in High School during the late 70's/early 80's, so Dazed and Confused is one that I love. That movie is very true to life! The setting was just slightly before my time, but still...I can relate whole heartedly!! Chic Flicks....has to be The Notebook....is there such a thing as love like that? LOL Other fine classics that must be watched: All the Vacation Movies Anything Rodney Dangerfield (Easy Money, Caddy Shack, Back to School) Anything MOB...must be the italian in me (The Godfather, Goodfellas, Mobsters) Animal House Where's my TV guide??? :P
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Jake and Elwood...another fine classic....'We're on a mission from God'......
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"lot's of space in this mall." crash sounds / glass breaking 'new oldsmobiles are in early this year' 'this place has got everything' ( -:
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"we got both kinds of music here, country and western..." " you want i should scrape the bugs offa your windshield?" "one condom, slightly used..." steven speilberg had a small cameo as did joe walsh...
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I saw Sicko last night and it was pretty good--Moore's best film Roger and Me and possibly his best yet. It is not nearly as partisan as Farenheit 9/11 in that it doesn't specifically target Republicans or any particular politician but is mostly focused on insurance companies. The main thrust of the film is to point out the costly (in terms of money and human life) irrationalities of our medical and childcare systems and offer reasonable alternatives that work for other countries. The countries that he uses as examples are Canada, England, and France and the differences are pretty stark in terms of cost, priorities of health care institutions, and patient care/satisfaction. The most basic thing is that in these countries the patient's method of payment or ability to pay is not an an issue for the health care professional, the health maintenance organization, or the patient, but in the US it is always an issue. Secondly, in other countries, health care organizations and professionals have incentives (in terms of bonuses, etc) to provide the best care possible, in terms of immediate care and preventative care, whereas in the United States the incentives pertain to cost containment and to underwriting the profit margins of insurance and pharmacutical companies. The most telling examples were of doctors who worked for iinsurance companies that are basically paid large fees to deny claims. Moore also disabuses the viewer of the oft stated notion that "socialized medicine" is a bureaucratic mess in comparison to the US system--may I introduce you to an HMO? The movie has some trademark Moore "stunts"--him taking 9/11 rescue workers to Cuba to receive heatlth care--which I am sure will draw fire from his critics, but for the most part the movie just lets the people tell their own stories with some light narration from Moore. I recommend.
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I really want to see this movie. I may actually wait 'till it comes out on DVD due to tight funds presently and my hunch I'll want it for my collection. You did a great job of characterizing the movie in light of Moore's partisan tendencies goffchile, although I've yet to see it in person. I've loved and hated Moore's work over the years but when I saw the series "The Aweful Truth" I realized he was more than a left wing advocate. I also thought "Bowling for Columbine" was excellent, although it came out a little to soon in relation to the actual tragedy, which I felt was a little self serving ($$$$). Making people think is a difficult and thankless job, for the most part, not to mention hurting people's feelings in the process. The Dude Abides!
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I can not remember which documentary they were talking about, Bowling or Farenheit, but Moore once talked about praise he received from some dirctors or actors: the praise was something along the lines of 'it is a good MOVIE' that was the praise he appreciated the most, Moore said. I will wait for the DVD with extras for Sicko. anyway, GRTUD reminded me of another fucking amazing film: GHOSTBUSTERS!!!! that shit was one of the best! that DVD with the extras, (collectors edition?) I have. nice out takes, and better commentary / interviews. Harold ramis can do no wrong, teamed up with Ackroyd and Murray -- (Stripes!) he is a comic genious. recently I finally saw Orange County, in which Ramis has a really good part as the dean of admissions. funny as hell, as was Jack Black. ( -:
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CC Joe didn't get it but I maintain it was an excellent movie adaptation of the reoccurring SNL skit. Everyone is in the damn thing (Farley, Spade, Aykroyd who also helped write it, Jane Curtain, Phil Hartman, Jason Alexander, Michael McKean, Adam Sandler, Tim Meadows, Kevin Nealon, Tom Arnold and Sinbad, among others) not that that gives it credibility but I thought the script was exceptional and it had the most important quality for a comedy, EVERY SCENE WAS FUNNY. I hate comedies that try to develop a plot while not being funny, they're comedies for cryin' out loud. I really believe that most folks had a preconceived notion that the movie was going to follow Hollywood's tendency to rush to market with a hasty attempt to cash in but like someone else pointed out, most folks didn't even remember Coneheads from SNL when the movie came out. Oh well, can't please 'em all. The Dude Abides!
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Ghost Busters was an excellent film. Another of Ramis' masterpieces is "Bedazzled" with Brendan Fraser and Elizabeth Hurley. Hell is worth the watch just to see Liz in those outfits. My favorite (besides the Cheer Leader get up) was the red dress she wears in the Devil's office in the beginning. WOW..... The Dude Abides!
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wtf? another post vanished... I tlaked about the original Bedazzled with Dudley Moore and Peter Cook. let's see if it shows up later. and Arthur advertisement Susan: A real woman could stop you from drinking. Arthur: It'd have to be a real BIG woman. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Arthur: You're a hooker? Jesus, I forgot! I just thought I was doing GREAT with you! -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Arthur: Bitterman! Do you want to double your salary? Bitterman: Yes sir! Arthur: Then open that door! -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Susan: Arthur, take my hand. Arthur: But that would only leave you with one! -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Arthur Bach: Girls, girls, girls! I love girls! -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Arthur Bach: I'm so rich, I wish I had a dime for every dime I had. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Hobson: Normally, someone would have to go to a bowling alley to meet someone of your stature. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Arthur: Do you know what I'm going to do? I'm going to take a bath. Hobson: I'll alert the media. Arthur: Do you want to run my bath for me? Hobson: It's what I live for. [Arthur exits] Hobson: Perhaps you would like me to wash your dick for you... you little shit. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- [while Arthur Bach is taking a bath] Arthur Bach: God, Hobson, isn't life wonderful? Hobson: Yes it is, Arthur, do your armpits. Arthur Bach: A hot bath is Wonderful... Girls are WONDERFUL! Hobson: Yes, imagine how wonderful a girl who bathes would be... Get dressed. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Arthur Bach: I race cars, play tennis, and fondle women, BUT! I have weekends off, and I am my own boss. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Hobson: Good afternoon. If you and your undershirt will take two paces backwards, I could enter this dwelling. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- [after Linda Marolla stole a necktie from a store] Hobson: Arthur, I see no reason for prolonging this conversation, unless you plan on knocking over a fruit-stand later this afternoon. Hobson: [to Linda Marolla] Good luck in prison. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- [pointing at a mounted moose on the wall] Arthur: Where's the rest of this moose. Burt Johnson: Arthur, I think it's time we got to know one another. Arthur: I do too. That's why I had to come over today. Hmhmhmhm. This is a tough room. [pats the moose] Arthur: I don't have to tell you that. [points to the moose again] Arthur: You must've hated this moose. Burt Johnson: Why don't you forget the moose for a moment! [looks at the moose then to Burt] Arthur: Right. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Arthur Bach: It's so small, they recently had the whole country carpeted. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Arthur: I've never taken care of anyone. But if you got sick, I'd take care of you. Linda: Then I'll get sick. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- [Waiting at Arthur's father's office] Arthur Bach: I hate it here! Hobson: Of course you hate it. People work here. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- [Of a mounted moosehead in Burt's den] Arthur Bach: You must have hated this moose. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- [to the mounted moosehead in Burt's den] Arthur Bach: This must be awfully embarrassing for you. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Arthur Bach: Not all of us who drink are poets. Some of us drink because we're not poets. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Arthur: Isn't this fun? Isn't fun the best thing to have? Don't you wish you were me? I know I do. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Arthur: Don't you wish you were me? Arthur: I know I do. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- [Arthur suddenly laughs uproariously] Gloria, Hooker: Why are you laughing now? Arthur: Sometimes I just think funny things. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Executive: He gets all that money. Pays his family back by... by... by bein' a stinkin' drunk. It's enough ta make ya sick. Hobson: I really wouldn't know, sir. I'm just a servant. Executive: Yeah. Hobson: On the other hand, go screw yourself. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Arthur: Hobson, do you know what the worst thing is about being me? Hobson: I should imagine your breath. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Hobson: Thrilling to meet you, Gloria. Gloria, Hooker: Hi. Hobson: You obviously have a wonderful economy with words, Gloria. I look forward to your next syllable with great eagerness! -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Arthur: Oh stay with me Hobson. You know I hate to be alone. Hobson: Yes, bathing is a very lonely business. Arthur: Except for fish. Hobson: Pardon? Did you say "except for fish"? Arthur: Yes... fish all bath together. Though they do tend to eat one another. I often think... fish must get awful tired of sea food. What are you thoughts Hobson? -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Arthur: [to mounted moose on wall] This is a tough room. I don't have to tell you that. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Arthur: It's a very tiny country... Rhode Island could beat the crap out of it in a war. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Ralph: I take it this bum will be calling you? Linda: Dad! He's a millionaire. Ralph: You have my permission to marry him. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- [while soliciting a prostitute] Arthur Bach: What I had in mind was spending the night with a stranger who loves me. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Burt Johnson: [smiling broadly] When I was twelve years old, I KILLED a man. He came into our house to steal our food. And I took a knife & I killed him in the kitchen. Arthur: [inebriated] Well, he had it coming! -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Arthur: [to Burt Johnson's servant] Are you sure you want to be a nightclub comic? -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Arthur: [to Susan Johnson] Do you have any objection to naming a child Vladimir, even if its a girl? -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Arthur: What are you doing later tonight? Linda: Oh, I have plans for tonight. What should I wear? Hobson: Steal something casual. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Hobson: Poor people are not loved, Arthur. They urinate in public and have very few teeth. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Hobson: I've taken the liberty of anticipating your condition. I have brought you orange juice, coffee, and aspirins. Or do you need to throw up? -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Hobson: Here, read this magazine. There are many pictures. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Hobson: A little tart like that could save you a fortune in prostitutes. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Hobson: If I begin to die, please take this off my head. This is not the way I wish to be remembered. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Hobson: Would you remove your helmet, please? Arthur: Why? Hobson: Please. [Arthur hands him his helmet] Hobson: Thank you. Now your goggles. Arthur: Why? Hobson: Please. [Arthur hands him his goggles] Hobson: Thank you. [Slaps him across the face repeatedly] Hobson: You spoiled little bastard! -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Burt Johnson: Hello, Arthur. Arthur: Hello, Mr. Johnson. Burt Johnson: I haven't seen much of you lately. Arthur: Well, the reason you haven't seen much of me is because I, I normally pick Susan up at her apartment in town. And you live here. Want a drink? Burt Johnson: I never drink. No one in my family ever drinks. Arthur: That's great! You probably never run out of ice your whole life! -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Burt Johnson: I don't drink because drinking affects your decision-making. Arthur: You may be right. I can't decide. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Hobson: You spoiled little bastard! You're a man who has everything, haven't you, but that's not enough. You feel unloved, Arthur, welcome to the world. Everyone is unloved. Now stop feeling sorry for yourself. And incidentally, I love you. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Linda: Nice place... I love a living room you can land a plane in. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Arthur: Have you ever been on a yacht? Linda: No, is it wonderful? Arthur: It doesn't suck. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- [in a department store, Arthur and Hobson see Linda putting a tie in her bag] Arthur Bach: Hobson, did you see that? Hobson: [wearily] Yes. Hobson: That girl just stole a tie! Hobson: Yes. Arthur Bach: Girls don't wear ties! It's the perfect crime! All right, some girls wear ties, it's not the perfect crime but it's a pretty good crime! Hobson: Yes, if she murdered the tie it would be the perfect crime. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Arthur: He's taking the knife out of the cheese! Do you think he wants some cheese? -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Hobson: Arthur, you're a good son. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- [about Hobson after she gives her phone number to Arthur] Linda: Wouldn't it be funny if *he* called me? -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Arthur: [a very intoxicated Arthur is addressing the congregation of attendees for his wedding] ummmm... ummmm... Ladies and gentlemen... I'm Sorry... As you probably have surmised by now... there will be no wedding. The bride... has had second thoughts... and has decided not to marry me... Most of you know me... Can you blame her? -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Arthur: Do you want anything? Hobson: I want to be younger. Arthur: Sorry, it's your job to be older.
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CC Joe, your posts don't vanish. Because they're really long, the system moves them over to the check-on-me queue for me and Marye. I am going to go ahead and publish the second one, so that this response makes sense,and delete the first.
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if it is not too late, keep the first, that had the other stuff about the original Bedazzled... brevity is the sould of wit. I'll keep 'em short.
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....The Legend of Ron Burgundy. "He wore suits that made Sinatra look like a hobo....." Go fuck yourself, San Diego!
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Is just wonderful. "Have fun storming the castle" "Never start a land war in Asia" and of course "Hello, my name is Inigo Montoya, you killed my father, prepare to die."
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"Life is pain, Highness. Anyone who says differently is selling something." I love that movie.
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The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (1974)Halloween 1-2 Friday the 13th 1-6 Nightmare on Elm Street 1-2 Zombie Tombs of the Blind Dead Susperia Pet Cemetery The Driller Killer Alien & Aliens Predator The Big Lebowski Fear and Loathing Where the Buffalo Rome Rear Window The Fog (1980) Forrest Gump The Burbs The Money Pit Requiem for a Dream Kids Ken Park Gummo Spinal Tap Song Remains the Same Dune King of New York Matrix (All of them and The Animatrix) Vampire Hunter D Ninja Scrolls Fist of the Northstar The Beyond Ghostbusters The Jerk Spies Like Us Tommy Boy Black Sheep Who is Harry Crumb The Great Outdoors This was just off the top of my head of some of my all time favs The 2 films I just saw recently off the internet for free (direct downloading is great!!!!) were Hostel 2 (Leaked Screeners Copy) this was one of the worst films ever...Bad plot, crappy gore....And I was lucky enough to watch Sicko in full before it got pulled off of youtube weeks before it came out.....WATCH THIS FILM......Great movie..... Dead to the Core www.myspace.com/bongwizard
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Great movie and speaking of which, I happened to catch their reunion "concert" today for the Earth Day Benefit and it was really, really good. At one point there must have been 20 guitar players on stage. They had Metallica and several other bands join them for their last song (I think they only did two but they were quite good, honestly). It was the highlight of the day time concerts, in some ways, although John Mayer and the Foo Fighters were also good. I probably should re-post this in the TV section. And I also love "Princess Bride" - "That's inconceivable!" I don't think you know what this word means.....
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Nigel Tufnel: The numbers all go to eleven. Look, right across the board, eleven, eleven, eleven and... Marty DiBergi: Oh, I see. And most amps go up to ten? Nigel Tufnel: Exactly. Marty DiBergi: Does that mean it's louder? Is it any louder? Nigel Tufnel: Well, it's one louder, isn't it? It's not ten. You see, most blokes, you know, will be playing at ten. You're on ten here, all the way up, all the way up, all the way up, you're on ten on your guitar. Where can you go from there? Where? Marty DiBergi: I don't know. Nigel Tufnel: Nowhere. Exactly. What we do is, if we need that extra push over the cliff, you know what we do? Marty DiBergi: Put it up to eleven. Nigel Tufnel: Eleven. Exactly. One louder. Marty DiBergi: Why don't you just make ten louder and make ten be the top number and make that a little louder? Nigel Tufnel: [pause] These go to eleven
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Besides "The Doors" this was Val Kilmer's best role. Posting in another section here, I was reminded of (and perhaps found new meaning in) this quote: Doc Holliday: And you must be Ringo. Look, darling, Johnny Ringo. The deadliest pistoleer since Wild Bill, they say. What do you think, darling? Should I hate him? Kate: You don't even know him. Doc Holliday: Yes, but there's just something about him. Something around the eyes, I don't know, reminds me of... me. No. I'm sure of it, I hate him.
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i thought that val kilmer was also very good in 'heat' and the movie where he played the FBI agent on the Indian reservation....i thought that dennis quaid played a very good doc holliday in wyatt earp...
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but I have say that one of the most engaging movies I've seen in recent time was "Holes." I think it's even a Disney movie. Surreal, poignant, funny, and I've got to say I like young Shia LaBeouf a lot. I think it falls more into the cult classic category, but rent it. You won't be sorry.
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I was prepared to think it was really lame, but I can't remember ever laughing so hard at a movie. Really funny, and very well done. Check it out!
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Last night I watched Hair on a commercial-free t.v. channel, and what was extra awesome is that the film was sent in English, which is rare here. I watched it with my 9 year old daughter, who was really digging it. She was just cracking me up with her comments (had never seen a musical before) Said things like "It is really strange how all those people just break into song, and know all the words." Explaining Claud's tripping scene was a bit sticky, but we got through that. We had a long discussion after the fim about the Viet Nam war, and how the film was by people who were against the war, and how there actually were people like the characters in Hair at that time (minus the spontaneous singing, of course ;-) and then she made a comment that just blew me away. (She does tend to do that from time to time) She said "Mama, that film is actually about right now too, right? Cuz Iraq is the same as Viet Nam, a bad war." Out of the mouths of babes, or what???
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Just wanted to add a few to the list that I did not see mentioned yet... Roman Holiday Zoolander Traffic All the Hayao Miyazaki movies... The Waterboy and of course Bob Barker in Happy Gilmore, bitch... "... just a little nervous from the fall..."
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From msn: "ROME -- Italian director Michelangelo Antonioni, whose depiction of alienation made him a symbol of art-house cinema with movies such as "Blow-Up" and "L'Avventura," has died, officials and news reports said Tuesday. He was 94." From Hal: Blow up is a must see movie depicting swinging London in 1966. Drug usage, sex, fashion and the Yardbirds ( I believe the short lived Beck/Page lineup) smashing a guitar in a club like the Who. Ther is a troupe of Mimes riding around and creating instant happenings. Soundtrack is by Herbie Hancock. He also directed Zabriskie Point to which Jerry Garcia as well as Pink Floyd, The Youngbloods and John Fahey contributed to the soundtrack! Do I contradict myself? Very well then I contradict myself, (I am large, I contain multitudes.) Walt Whitman-Song of Myself
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....International Man of Mystery. Yeah Baby! I think you're shagedelic baby! You're switched on! You're smashing! You're shagadelic, baby!
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love...love...love the big lebowski..... i'll come back and add more when i have more than the dude on my brain...
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Is ancient, but wonderful!!!!!!!! One of my all-time favorites. Cracks me up every time I watch it. A very kind and gentle Jimmy Stewart and an 6 foot invisible rabbit as a best friend. Dialogue in that film is just great-in the way that some older films were so good at-more dialogue less action.
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As the story goes, a friend of a friend of mine worked on a golf course in Aspen, Colorado. One day, Hunter S. Thompson and Bill Murray showed up to play a leisurely round of golf. They put their golf bags on a couple of carts and teed off late in the morning. Usually, a normal round of golf takes anywhere from 4.5 to 6 hours to complete. Well, seven or eight hours later, they hadn't returned. It was getting dark and the clubhouse personnel wanted to go home. They had to go out on the course and look for Thompson and Murray because they needed the carts back. They found them out there, still playing golf. lol
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Latest Entertainment NewsMurray Refuses Breath Test in Sweden By KARL RITTER, Associated Press Writer Wed Aug 22, 1:53 PM Actor Bill Murray drives a golf cart toward the ... STOCKHOLM, Sweden - Bill Murray could face a drunken driving charge after cruising through downtown Stockholm in a golf cart and refusing to take a breath test, citing U.S. law. Police officers spotted the "Caddyshack" star early Monday in the slow-moving vehicle and noticed he smelled of alcohol when they pulled him over, said Detective-Inspector Christer Holmlund of the Stockholm police. "He refused to blow in the (breath test) instrument, citing American legislation," Holmlund told The Associated Press on Wednesday. "So we applied the old method _ a blood test. It will take 14 days before the results are in." Murray, who had been at a golf tournament in Sweden, signed a document admitting that he was driving under the influence, and agreed to let a police officer plead guilty for him if the case goes to court, Holmlund said. "Then he was let go. My guess is he went back to America," Holmlund said. He said the 56-year-old actor-comedian would only be charged if tests show his blood alcohol level exceeded the legal limit, which is quite low in Sweden. A very high alcohol level could lead to a prison sentence, but Holmlund said fines were more likely. "There were no obvious signs, like when someone is really tipsy," he said. An e-mail to Murrays lawyer, David Nochimson, seeking comment wasnt immediately returned. The golf cart had been on display for a week outside the downtown hotel where Murray and other VIPs attending the Scandinavian Masters golf tournament, were staying, tournament head Fredrik Nilsmark said. Murray apparently drove the golf cart to the trendy Cafe Opera nightclub, less than a mile away, and was pulled over on his way back to the hotel. Nilsmark said the vehicle wasn't intended for guests but added: "I don't hold any grudge against Bill Murray for borrowing our cart for a while." Cafe Opera manager Daniel Bodahl confirmed that Murray had visited the nightclub late Sunday and said "he was a very good guest." It isn't illegal to drive a golf cart in city traffic in Sweden, but Holmlund said it is very unusual. "I have done this since '68 and I've never experienced anything like this," he said. Murray was among the early cast members on NBC's "Saturday Night Live." He was nominated for an Oscar for 2003's "Lost in Translation." His screen credits also include "Groundhog Day" and "Rushmore." Copyright 2007 The Associated Press. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten or redistributed. The Dude Abides!
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Constable: "May I see your driver's licence, sir?"Wallace (Murray): "No, you may not! But I do have this nifty communicator with which you can speak directly to my superiors. [On the communicator/cigarette case] Breaker, breaker, come on back to that big ol' HQ, come on back to me."
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"Hey, no ones using this cart! I think I'll take a quick drive down the street and have a drink." LOL
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"So I jump ship in Hong Kong and make my way over to Tibet, and I get on as a looper at a course over in the Himalayas. A looper, you know, a caddy, a looper, a jock. So, I tell them I'm a pro jock, and who do you think they give me? The Dalai Lama, himself. Twelfth son of the Lama. The flowing robes, the grace, bald... striking. So, I'm on the first tee with him. I give him the driver. He hauls off and whacks one - big hitter, the Lama - long, into a ten-thousand foot crevasse, right at the base of this glacier. Do you know what the Lama says? Gunga galunga... gunga, gunga-galunga. So we finish the eighteenth and he's gonna stiff me. And I say, "Hey, Lama, hey, how about a little something, you know, for the effort, you know." And he says, "Oh, uh, there won't be any money, but when you die, on your deathbed, you will receive total consciousness." So I got that goin' for me, which is nice" "Bark like a dog." "Freeze Gopher!" ---- Carl Spackler
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Last night, after my evening shift, I lay down on the couch and prepared for what has become a rather routine ritual watching of "Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas". As I settled in to a comfy position with my favorite pillows, I became blissfully aware that I might not be awake past the opening scenes. Soon, my dreams and reality swirled together and I fell into a light sleep. The next thing I remember hearing was the line, “We can't stop here. This is bat country!” I opened my eyes to see one of these winged devil birds flying right at me! I’ve often had the experience of my dreams combining with reality as in the fabled ringing of the alarm clock becoming something other than reality as one dreams but this was fucking ridiculous (sorry Izzy)! As my senses restored me to this partition of reality, I squinted in the dim backdrop of TV light (and through a small opening in the blanket I now had securely over my frightened head) to render further visual confirmation of this winged menace. In the flickering light of the various changes in movie scenes I could see the bat as it fluttered about the room silently, it’s transmuted form mocking the laws of physics and it’s echo locating chirps mocking my fear as it swooped down around me in a passing circular flight pattern. I’m an animal lover but when it comes to bats, I draw the line. I’m not saying I want them dead nor do I dismiss their benefits in terms of insect control but respect does not directly translate to the cuddle love I feel for other members of the mammal species. I mean ‘c’mon they’re 4-5 oz of pure terror! “Poor bastards, wait ‘till you see the goddamn bats….” The clock indicated 0220 hrs. and I intended to make quick work of this ferocious but small brained little enemy and be back in La-la land before the next whole hour. I had had some runs before with these pesky spawns of Satan, twice in cabins while on vacation. The trick is to open windows and doors so they can make themselves scarce, hopefully in short order by keeping them flying. Left to their own time schedule, bats can become unwanted freeloaders overnight, especially during the hottest nights of summer. Once they get the message they aren’t wanted, they begin looking for the Great Outdoors (wink). No need for violence or fly swatters, just easy work for a (now certified by this site) Super Genius. While my family slept safe in their beds, I began opening windows and the front door to make an easy egress for my winged nemesis. Now to sit back and wait and as I did so, I realized something. This was truly bat country! There were hordes of these creatures in my new neighborhood verified by myself on several dusk walks since moving here. Not to fear, this won’t take long…….. Several hours later found me donning a lacrosse helmet along with a two varying length “sticks” of the same sport and gloves from my sons’ left over sporting goods supplies that I had managed to obtain while maintaining my own hide intact, no thanks to my winged adversary that, no doubt, had emerged straight from Hell itself. This “Thing” had become amused at being quite capable of reeking pure terror at my expense. Wherever I went, “It” followed (with the great outdoors being the exception). Three times I had been expelled from my own abode and had “It” been in possession of opposable thumbs, I’m quite convinced I’d have been knocking at my wife’s bedroom window for re-entry. With every window in the house available to the creature now open, there were ample opportunities for a quick snack to this free loading winged rodent, as it terrorized it’s host while the insect masses not yet eaten alive, unwittingly descended upon my once pristine living room. Preferring what was left of the air conditioned air in the house, the bat reneged on dozens of close calls to exit via one of the many open portals, instead choosing to flutter ever closer to my person each time it vacated one of it’s choice perches at either of the rough brick interior walls we have in our living room. While perched upside down as it rested, the bat could be seen twisting it’s little nose at me while it’s snickering voice mocked my efforts. “Poor bastard”, that line must have been meant for me, written by a man who clearly knew the extent of his enemy’s cunning. As the wee hours of night were about to become shattered by the first rays of dawn’s early light, my opponent took an extended rest perched on one of the interior brick walls that run perpendicular to the front door, with it’s opening to freedom only several yards away. I assessed my options in the respite of my office which I had accessed during the lull by doing a barrel roll over the couch (catching my ankle on the hard wood of the large coffee table’s corner) and sprinting (despite the intense pain) the remaining distance as my enemy rested, all the while amused by my panic stricken antics, I’m sure. As my back was shoring the closed French doors to the office behind me and my chest heaved to suck in precious oxygen, I looked around the room for anything that might aid me in a “cattle drive” effort to rid my dwelling of this vermin, once and for all. After failing to imagine a “McGuiver” bat eviction device concocted from paper clips and spare parallel computer cables, I spied a basket containing my Yorkies’ stuffed animal collection (which they never play with ‘cause they would have to be put on the floor for such activities - which never happens – they spend their entire lives being held like babies). On the desk above was an old plastic drinking cup containing about 50 disposable ink pens garnered from half a lifetime of attending conventions, hotels and various other activities resulting in the receipt of promotional novelties. Whether due to the tightness of the lacrosse helmet, the summer’s late heat wave or the delirious desire to re-enter Sleep’s dark and silent gate, I found myself standing behind the doors to my office armed (literally) with about 8 or 9 small sized stuffed animals, a fist full of cheap Bic pens and a plan to become a human anti-aircraft Gatling gun, in an effort to drive away the fury weasel out the front door. So, in an older, fatter and nearly balder version of John McClane, I burst through the doors yelling, “Yippeee-ki-yay motherfucker!!!!” as a barrage of sophisticated weaponry was dispersed in the direction of my unwitting enemy. To be continued…… "All energy flows according to the whims of the Great Magnet. What a fool I was to defy him."
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am on the edge of my seat!!!!!! PLEASE DO continue, G.R. And in the meantime will try to decide whether you have earned the Poe award for dark and suspenseful literary efforts, or the Bats in the Belfry award-or BOTH!!!!!
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I awoke and noticed the sky was now fully illuminated by a hidden sun that sulked behind the dark horizon. The living room looked like a psychedelic Chucky Cheese experiment that had gone terribly wrong. Pastel colored pens littered the floor, a child’s motley and ragged stuffed bear hung precariously from a valance over the window that looks out to (what will one day be) our private garden and a fluorescent colored ping-pong ball lay in the middle of the kitchen floor. Ping-pong ball??? Where the hell did that come from, I wondered? I hadn’t actually seen the winged Ozzy Ozbourne of Death leave via the open door but after the anti-aircraft barrage I had done an extensive search of the house for the bat, going to each accessible room and it’s corners like a S.W.A.T. officer in a low production movie “clearing” them nervously, holding a baton type Maglite (the one with like 12 “D” batteries that weighs 30 lbs.) and the smaller version of the lacrosse stick (and helmet, of course). I repeated the sweep of the house several times and had declared an “all clear” to myself. I had won! It had taken a slightly longer time but all was righteous in a world where humans sat atop the pyramid of the Animal Kingdom. Immediately upon my personal declaration of victory, I ingested 75 mgs of Benadryl to accelerate the sleep process and re-started my movie. That had been little more than an hour ago but why was I awake again? The bliss of success faded faster than my rising fear and adrenalin as I spotted the furry vampire making, once again, it’s way around my living room! FUCK! This struggle had accelerated from a chance encounter between human and beast to a personal competition, which involved bragging rights between two social members and their respective groups. Bats are planning to take over the world, I reasoned. I was merely part of a twisted test scenario and perhaps the destiny of much more would be at stake if I failed, again. There are circumstances when we are pushed to our limits that define the nature of true grit. The sort of experiences that separate the preverbal “men from boys” in life that define timeless and vintage conflicts that ultimately pit the characters of fictional stories against real life dilemmas. What the heck did Chris Farley and David Spade do in that movie, “Black Sheep”, I asked? I ran to the closet and grabbed one of our large beach towels and used my wife’s nursing tape to affix it to the handle of the long pole version lacrosse stick. The other end, I attached to a formidable sized broom and using all my strength I held it open like some deranged version of a character cobbled together from Mad Max and William Wallace and charged the bat as it flew around the living room, timing my assault to corral the beast and force it into the office where I could, at least, confine it from the larger area which it had inhabited the past several hours. It sensed the onslaught and darted (as planned) into the office. I quickly slammed the French doors and barricaded them with the large (and heavy) beach towel at the threshold. Now to go outside, open the window and let nature (finally) take it’s course. Outside, I realized that I had not unlocked the window from the inside prior to my ingenious plan. Drats! Having locked myself out on at least one occasion since moving to this house, I had learned (the hard way) that these window locks are impenetrable to the old fashioned methods of defeat. I realized I would have to enter the office to put an end to this war, once and for all. Back inside, I “suited up” and cracked the door to see if I could detect a time when I could make my way inside without allowing the creature to escape. I detected no motion and after a few moments I slipped into the office, closed and LOCKED the door behind me. This struggle would end here, one-way or other and SOON. I unlocked the window and wrenched at the sill to open the upper half of the double hung pane but it wouldn’t budge. The effort had attracted the attention of my combatant and it swooped down toward me in several “dive bomb” attempts to rattle my nerve as I rattled the glass by hitting the frame several times with my palm, hoping the damn thing would break free of whatever kept it from opening. Finally I opened the lower half of the window and retreated to the confines of a small hallway that leads to our back room, which was at one time, a covered porch that was converted to indoor space some years prior to our purchase of the home. As I waited, the bat flew by near the ceiling level occasionally flying up to the closed section of window and veering away before repeating a circle of the small room. I couldn’t tell if it was toying with my hopes or attempting a bid at it’s own retreat. After several moments of repeating this dance, the bat again decided to take a rest and perched on the interior of the brick wall that extends from the living room to the office, which is the same wall containing the window. It looked over at me with it’s tiny pig nose huffing for oxygen and a sense of what I might do next. I could see it’s beady black eyes, it’s brown/black fur and the leathery skin of ears and wings drawn taught as it converted itself to a wall crawling contortionist. The beast was quite amazing and I felt a slight hint of admiration for it, bordering on compassion. It was looking directly at me when I blurted out, “For the love of God will you please leave my house!?! Go out the window, NOW!” It immediately flung itself airborne and made two or three low level circles around the office, one time flying into the cubby I occupied, causing me to hit the carpet in fear, before darting out the window and into the first rays of the suns direct light. I rushed over and slammed the window shut breathing a sigh of relief as I flopped into the computer chair. I took off the helmet and gloves, dropping them like a 1st grader home from the first full day of classes as I sloughed back to the couch. The Benadryl had taken it’s toll on me and having opted for a Seinfeld season 8 DVD instead of my chosen flick, I almost immediately fell into a twilight between sleep and a foggy conscience state. I said a short prayer that my enemy had found safe passage back home when my wife appeared at the hallway’s entrance, holding both our Yorkies with a puzzled look (all three of them) and asked, “What the hell happened in here?” “Just a bad case of insomnia,” I replied as I gathered my pillows and headed down the hall for bed. I had had enough of Bat Country. "All energy flows according to the whims of the Great Magnet. What a fool I was to defy him."
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Batman!!!!!!!! Am glad to read that both you and that creature ended your encounter unharmed. Perhaps it had some message for you??? Perhaps you have passed some initiation test, and are now in the secret Bat brotherhood? Or perhaps he came to cleanse your house of some malignant insect spirit? The vision of some guy charging around his house in the middle of the night, equipped with Lacrosse gear just cracks me up.
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Forgot about this one but it's on one of the cable premium channels today, which reminded me. "All energy flows according to the whims of the Great Magnet. What a fool I was to defy him."