Grateful Dead

It would be one thing if they did the right thing and something went wrong etc, but to basically kill another human being because of what? Greed?
I’m all about moving on and not getting hung up on past shit that you can’t change, but this motherf@##$& needs to feel real pain!

My goodness, that’s a horrible story and can’t imagine what your going through!
I’ll I can recommend is keep busy, long walks, and lots of Dead…if you get confused just listen to the music play.
Eventually, time may not fully heal, but like all the heavy shit you’ve been through in life, this will pass.

Tried to respond but this ridiculous nonsense won’t let me post!

Thanks vguy and Dave! Your words mean a lot. Kevin was indeed special. Incredible social conscience and extremely intelligent. Never once raised his voice and was always measured and deliberate when he needed to be, and fun and surprising when he felt like it. The fact that we were solid and firm friends since the early 90’s speaks volumes. I tend to piss off most folk within weeks! lol. I’m not nasty at all, but I somehow seem to be a bit obvious when suffering fools… Precious little poppet that I am.

My wife grew up with Kevin in Carshalton when they were kids. They even dated for a while a long time before I appeared on the scene. In one of life’s funny little co-inky dinks, we probably passed each other all the time when I was living in Putney as a young teen. Turns out we even used the same video store!

It just destroys me that the coroner concluded he would almost certainly be with us today had he been admitted and given intravenous antibiotics. It’s one thing to be a hoity insecure pillock, but when a life is lost, and it’s not a “mistake”, then surely there’s something that needs to happen there. It won’t bring him back and I won’t claim sheer altruism in the “just so it doesn’t ever happen to anyone else” vein. No. I want the SOB to pay the price out of sheer anger and venom. I wish I could be a bigger person about it. I’m just not there yet. Nor do I expect to be any time soon. Sorry, but a line was crossed when it comes to my ability to forgive.

For what it’s worth, I genuinely feel good about how my wife and I have picked up his widow and given her the safe space and sanctuary she needs. And she’ll have it forever. We’re even giving the spare bedroom in the place we’re moving to a name… “Julie’s Room”. She’s such a good and kind person. Just like Kevin. It makes us feel a little better that we can at the very least give her our unqualified support and affection and always have a place for her to feel safe in. And, she’s using it, so that in itself shows that it’s needed and that it’s a good thing for her.

Anyway. Thanks again. Sincerely. It needs to be shared so I can lessen the empty anger that the finality of it all brings.

I’ve been dwelling on the nature of “void” and the fact that I’m terrified of it - and no, the argument that I won’t be around to miss it just makes it worse. Even typing this is making my chest tighten, breathing laboured, and skin feel like it’s slow burning - anxiety to the max. How do you rationalise the unacceptable? All I can take from it is that if I feel this bad about losing life, I must really love it, and I’m trying oh so hard to use that as my “FU” to the reaper…

Still. One of the terrible compromises that we’re all born with. “I’m going to give you something so magical, that when I take it away, and I WILL take it away, you’ll have never existe”. Jesus. Sorry, but now I’m having a full blown panic attack. Any ideas anyone? I don’t even drink anymore nearly two and half years sober, and thank god because if this wasn’t an excuse to bury myself in a bottle, then I don’t know what would be. So, if I qualify that question to “Any holistic ideas anyone?” Then maybe that’s better.

One thing I can say with utmost confidence. The music of the good old Grateful Dead certainly helps. One thing I was really apprehensive about with sobriety and “being straight” was how it might alter my relationship with and enjoyment of the music. Turns out, not a jot! If anything it’s better than ever. My playing is improved and I can add thought to my guitar playing that allows for more “play” and less “see what sticks”. I guess the analogy would be the painter who knows how to use texture and layers as opposed to your Jackson Pollocks who luzz stuff everywhere and see what happens. They both produce interesting results and there is nothing to stop the chucking it about but, but having that extra layer in the arsenal gives you more toys to play with.

How I got here from there I don’t know. But let’s end on a positive… Anyone considering changes around chemical self medication… I will assure you that YOU will still be YOU on the other side. You might do things a little differently, or require yourself to get “there” a different way, but don’t worry about losing yourself. I think it’s a bit of a common thing that folks can worry about when they’ve become dependant on certain addictive behaviours. That loss of one’s self. I’m here as living proof that you’ll still be there on the other side and what’s more, it’ll be earned and more valued, and dare I say, it’s not inappropriate to feel a little smug about it.

Right. I’m much happier for having let all that out so thanks again all! It’s really, really appreciated.

Now back to “how do I get my undelivered copy of DP48?” Again, any pointers would be brilliant. I’ve no doubt it was sent, but I’ve lost a few packages in the last six months or so… Never been a problem until recently, and ties up with when Evri started doing the “last to the door” legs. They recently (last week) put a watch in a “safe place”. Well. They threw it in the recycling wheelie bin actually. But hey, could have been a bush, right?

:-)

Great to see you back on here - I wondered what had happened, and am sorry I didn't reach out earlier. You have absolutely no need to apologise at all - it sounds as though you have been to hell and back since we last communicated. Terrible what happened to your mate Kevin. He sounds as though he was a great person to have known and hung out with. What a tragic thing to happen to him. My heart felt condolences to you and his wife.

Yup- I am still interested in the 1978 Daves Picks on vinyl - I'll send you my address by email - if not now - I am due out in a minute - but later today.
As you guessed, I have got Dicks Picks 2 on vinyl - but thanks for thinking of me.
My eyes lit up when I saw Ozric Tentacles in your post - but dimmed again when you talked of Phish. I have never heard them really - I'm not quite sure, but the very idea puts me off. Very unfair -I'm sure they'll survive ! Ozric Tentacles on the other hand - I've seen many great gigs by them over the years. Incidentally - they also sound great on vinyl.
All the best - cheers - Dave

This Scarlet... is absolutely top tier. Jerry is taking off and gets 'lost in the ozone'. I think.
Wunderschön!
G.

....announced their Spring Tour.
Guess I need to gas up and set my sights for Phoenix.
Edit. Khruangbin is playing here.
Nevermind.

....doesn't sound like a very good way to go imo. So sorry your friend went through that. Having a life saving surgery delayed twice in a year is unacceptable. Sigh.
Just remember this. Surround yourselves with kind people.
Turn away from the people that spew hate and vitriol.
And drink plenty of water.
Comicons are awesome. So many cool nerds. And I mean that as a compliment.
Phish's Ocelot and Scents And Subtle Sounds are, imo, their most "Dead" like songs. I get the lyrical nonsense point though. Until Gamehendge comes around lol.
I'm still on my Mavis Staples thang.

Hi. If anyone on the CS side sees this (or if anyone else can point me in the right direction). With 49 arriving on Friday, I literally just realised that 48 hasn't ever turned up. I was looking at the library to double check my naming conventions etc. for ripping, and nada. No 48, no bear on a skateboard. I revisited my physical stash where everything goes immediately after digitising, again nothing. No JPG cover art in my cover art folder. I checked the tracklist again and I guarantee I haven't listened to this release. It occurred to me that I'd just let it be in the knowledge that sometimes they can take a little longer to get here, but I've obviously put it "out of sight, out of mind" too far! It will be the first actual non receipt I've ever had from dead.Net since I first used them in the beginning. I had one cross over where a package was shipped gain and arrived the same day as the very delayed original. Something always turns up in the end. Not this time though.

I've had some pretty heavy stuff going on back in the real word. No sympathy required, but lost my best friend out of nowhere and way too early and suddenly. Sadly avoidable too if not for the ego and pride of a duty consultant at a south London A&E who failed to recognise sepsis in an otherwise very healthy man my age who was due Gall Bladder removal very soon and who had a recent history of Gallstones and Pancreatitis issues.

He was being admitted for emergency surgery, but the surgical team were overridden literally on the way to prep by this fool consultant whilst my friend, Kevin, was in the lift being taken to a holding high dependency ward, and sent home with Morphine to wait for the surgery due date ten day later... After being delayed twice by almost a year.

The Consultant got shirty after being challenged by Kevin's wife who is about 4 foot nothing and very unassuming and quiet, as to why he has overriding what everyone else was calling serious. His response was to say, and I quote "It's not that complicated. I'm in charge and the Surgical Team would admit everyone if they had the chance."

Genius. Bloody fool. Kevin survived five or so more days in agony at home before suffering a fatal heart attack induced by critical sepsis and organ failure due to multiple internal abscesses and blockages caused by Gallstones.

What hurt so badly was that at his funeral, there was a huge turnout, and in every other slide projected during the celebration part, my wife and I were with kevin and his wife, doing something stupid and fun. My favourite being myself carrying him across a flooded road in the New Forest like Friar Tuck. He and his wife carrying the hand carved and decorated hiking sticks I made for them back in 1995 or so.

So, that happened... Sorry to unload, but I still find myself having anger splurges... That and other things like moving and job loss (mutual divorce), I can see why I was distracted on this one. So basically, DP 48 isn't here and I'd like to sort it out if possible please?

One of the last conversations I had with Kevin, it came up that he'd picked up Terrapin Station. He knew I was a dead head and he had "dabbled"... He was massively into his music. That's why he stayed in Wimbledon when he could have moved out of the city. Right there next to the tube station with easy and ready access to gigs. He averaged at least a show of some type or other a week for the entire time I knew him, and it was pretty normal for him to do 10 on the trot, brief pause, Glastonbury, a few world cinema festivals, more gigs. And a happy marriage. A CD collection the size of small house and a Vinyl stash to rival. I remember myself and a few other fellas meeting up to see Phish at Shepherds Bush then crashing on his living room floor, utterly spent, stoned, drunk and happy. He was like that. Phish? never heard of them! Let's go check it out! I recall the main man of Ozric Tentacles being there and checking it out to his approval. I'm not sure he was into the music so much as appreciative of the musicianship.

I'm a bit like that with Phish. I can dig the sounds and the cleverness and craft, but lyrically they're a mess in my limited opinion. Billy Breathes is pretty spot on, but outside of that album, there' a lot of nonsense waltzing as wit. Guilty of playing "clever" because they can, not because it sounds great, sometimes.

Anyway, Terrapin. It was coming back from ComiCon London and he mentioned that he liked the idea of a whole album side being one long suite, and really enjoyed it. I of course immediately jumped in and tried to sell him on "Everything Dead Ever" realised that was a disservice (baby steps) and steered him towards the Terrapin suite on the many disc'ed "tribute" from a few years ago that The National were heavily involved with. It's a great recording. played as live in studio I think (certainly the side of that session seems to point that way), the entire suite with percussion as originally intended (I imagine, based on the whole production overdub that Olsen (it was Olsen wasn't it? laid down causing Mickey to go mental...).

It's a very airy performance. Open space, cavernous, but warm and familial. One of the better and more realised Grateful Dead covers, made great by the "as live" recording and mic placing. I really do need to get that set. It's readily available streaming and it's a bit of a monster. Not everything hits, but there's enough good grist to warrant hard copy in the collection in my opinion.

Let's face it. if "Ready or Not" can get a place in your home, then this certainly can. Sorry, but firmly in the camp of "Ready or Not" is "Not". In fact I can't listen to it, and when I try, I just can't fathom how the Samba in the Rain on it wasn't thrown in a river in a burlap sack full of rocks.

I went to an Aston Martin owners' club meet when I was a kid, and we parked up next to a DB6 which looked like an unloved overworked tractor. My dad said it was a joke by a cheeky someone who wanted to demonstrate everything NOT to do with a classic car. That's how I feel about that Samba'. It's almost like it's on the record as a cautionary tale. "Are you sure you want this foks? Cos' this is what you've got coming if you start playing in those particular weeds!" "Grateful Dead. The Poison Ivy Years" or perhaps more obscure a reference, "The grateful Dead. Warts...."

Be good y'all. Thanks for giving me the space to stream my addled thoughts.

And oh yeah. DP 48... Can you help me out here please? Thank you in advance!

Wow, what a couple of great shows. It would be nice if they released them in complete order and remastered them.