Grateful Dead

Thanks, that's hilarious!

This mega cluster is the alignment of the moons. The core 4 couldn't fill the stadium. So they suck in phan dollars by adding Trey. A lot of hype ensues. Enough to wake the dead. GDTSTOO doesn't anticipate the volume and they get slammed. They realize they don't have nearly enough tix. So powers that be decide to give more tix to GDTSTOO. But Ticketmaster has to have their cut or no show. A deal is a deal. The light bulb of cluster goes off. "Hey! We'll give Ticketmaster the no view seats that we weren't going to sell and give Ticketmaster's previous sections to GDTSTOO. More seats! More money! Problem solved!" GDTSTOO has more seats to fill, but even with more seats, tix are still 1 in 10 odds. Three day passes you say? "Yeah 3 day passes. You know, one person gets to go to all the shows." "But doesn't that mean that 3 people could go to one show if you broke up the 3 day pass?" "Well, I suppose if you want to look at it that way, but really 1 in 10 odds aren't that bad. Besides doing more mailings means more work and with more seats now, we already have more index cards to file." GDTSTOO is even more overwhelmed filing index cards (huh, 2015?). So overwhelmed that they can't email all the winners let alone losers by the TM date. Wait!?! "Email?" "Yes, that's right, we're copying email addresses off index cards." The cluster of all clusters subsequently increases mass. While the Ticketmaster GA date approaches, CID dusts off their servers in anticipation of VIP sales. That's right, VIP sales for a Grateful Dead show. Somebody rolls over in his grave. You can hear a pin drop at 10:00 AM as a bazillion people sit, hand on mouse, waiting to refresh the CID page. Some jump the gun and at 9:55 there is a far distant cry from a CID server. "We're not made for this" they scream. Pages stop loading, by 10:00:30 CID is sold out. Yep, even the $5000 travel package complete with cheap shitty poster and free beer. At 10:05 a few less than a bazillion people just got their page to load to find the magic words: "Sold Out" "What just happened?" they say. "Damnit" they scream and think to themselves "At least we still have Ticketmaster". Few beers are drunk that night as weary would be ticket buyers want to be ready in the morning. After the worst night's sleep in years, morning comes and even those without pinkies or emails get ready. The computers boot up and the TM app is loaded on phones. Deja vu ensues. The seconds tick and at 10:00, TicketMaster enables the buy tickets button. Pages load. A million searches are launched. The magic revolving circle speaks to them. It says, "6 minutes" "22 minutes" "45 minutes" They believe the magic circle. Some break out of their hypnotic state in frantic realization that the magic circle lies. Windows are closed and new searches are made. But alas, too late. All that's left are no view seats. Many try for those, but even then for the vast majority it's too late. Some get lucky with two seats behind the stage. "We'll bring oxygen" they say. Credit card entered. Address typed in. Button pushed. "Sorry, but those seats are not available" replies the magic circle. "Fuck you magic circle." Later that evening, several Ticketmaster shutouts are injured as they fall out of their chairs waiting on the magic circle lies. The cluster grows beyond comprehension. As if Stubhub itself was the ticketmaster bot of all bots, $75 no view seats get listed on Stubhub for $1000 in mere seconds after 10:00. Many still haven't received their ticket emails or their money orders back. But there's hope! GDTSTOO tells in secret email that they are building a database for bounced back emails. A database you ask? "Yes a database." "Why do you need a database for a few bounced back emails" "We made some typos" Evidently, the few bounced back emails is really about 1000 typos made when copying email addresses from index cards (yes, index cards). Limbo ensues. Cluster swells. Massive number of shutouts need an itch scratched. Rumor mill is jump started. Santa Clara you say! "oh, please have mercy. I can't go through this again!"

Again, no disrespect brother, either way, just debating...as for the female reference, I have made the mistake before and I was not suggesting you are a woman, actually, more implying an apology IF I made the mistake and assumed you were a guy and you were a woman...that is a weird one communicating with people you have never seen before and only have an avatar to go by - that and the voice of the writer. I wish it were done differently, actually I wish it were done as a couple of people here suggested, give first crack at those subscribing to DP and the Almanac - that would be a good 15 k right there so at least a good 30k of tickets for each show (give or take). I just don't know how else to do it to be honest...