Grateful Dead

Take the friendship and quality medical care for now....

One VERY VERY WISE man!

Don't do anything that could possibly cause regrets. Don't do anything that could ruin what you already have with her. She's in a relationship. Let her know how much you appreciate her but don't cross a line. She's in a relationship. If there's something there the next step should be her's. I always told my kids "A moment of stupidity, a life time of regret." To your continued recovery my friend.

I had been trying to decide whether to post this but seeing y'all post about hippy chicks or girls and the dead I guess I will. I truly do believe in the universal cosmic mind or group mind. As I have been sick and very sick for a big chunk of 2017, I had to have home health. Of course, part of it was insurance based but part of it was private pay. Family and friends use one gentleman as a handyman for various homes, farms, etc. His lady was tasked with being my private nurse as she is retired (right now, could change as demand for nurses is out of control). As she was connected through the family/friends it was a discounted rate, in case you think I live in the King's castle. But I was so sick that my family could not handle all that was going on with me. Well not going get into all the details but she started to visit me when I was staying with family as I was in and out of the hospital 4 different times for a total of 40 days. When I finally got home on March 18th and quite frankly scared of being alone, she showed up the next morning. I had just had final surgery on March 16 and when I woke up in the middle of the night, two of the wounds were not properly sealed so my night shirt with cap (ok not that) but my underwear and sheets had a lot of blood on them. She did not panic, thankfully, and kept me calm and contacted the surgeon. That all worked out. The first few weeks she came every day, 2-3 times a day. She was so kind. She came and checked out wounds, changed dressing, and flushed drains that I had in me. She also prepared 2 meals a day for me. Turns out I worked for her father's law firm as I worked my way through undergraduate school. So I knew her dad. She knew my folks as well. It is a small southern town. One day as she was fixing me scrambled eggs we were talking about our youth and all. She is actually 9 years my senior but a drop dead gorgeous blonde. We were just talking about life and Karma and all, like is my illness the result of something I was being punished for? I told her I used to be wild, but do not believe that Karma played a reason for illness. We continued talking about traveling and stuff. I told her I have traveled a pretty good bit as I was a Grateful Dead fan when I was younger. She responded, oh, I was a Grateful Dead fan when I was younger too. Well ding ding ding. We now had that instant connection. This was still in late March. Her last medical visit was Friday. In that interim we spent so much time together. She saw me at my worst, the weakest physically with open infected wounds and all. We had profoundly deep conversations. Around the end of May I started to show her some of my musical collection to which she was floored. Understandable since most of us on here are kind of in that 1% of deadication. I finally got my first shower in late May. And man, 5 months without a shower makes you really appreciate something so simple and how pleasurable that is. Of course to shower, I had to have her there as I was and still am a fall threat (label of medical community). So as I showered, I would play her various eras of dead music. Last Monday I played the acoustic set from Radio city with the Ripple and all. So here I sit on Monday really conflicted. First of all, she has a man. However, they are not married but do live together. Before I met her my sister had been asking me some questions about life and I told her that the wierd thing is I have had more than a few married females make it clear that they enjoyed my company. But single ladies I seem to run off. Of course, we all know the strength and weaknesses of the female dna (how is that for tact) so I am not going to speak more on that. So I can tell that she seems to want me to press on this issue. There in lies the dilemma. Her fella is a family friend but he is 10 years older than her, a workaholic, kind of running out out of steam but is supper kind. (Btw, her man saw Hendrix at the 1970 Atlanta Pop Festival). So I am all melancholy over what to do. I had written when I first came on this board that there were few if any heads around here. The ones I have met are all in there early 20's so they never saw them. All have been kind but as I am 30+years older do not have a lot to talk about. So to meet the first female head in my area has just floored me. Of course, I am also trying to rationalize my thoughts as it relates to reverse Florence Nightingale syndrome. I really do not know what to do. You all have pointed out the opposite of "tragedy narrowly averted" when it comes to ladies and concerts and all. I am ordering for her Reckoning Expanded for her personal kindness. I am also ordering her the book "The road less traveled" as it is a great book on healing. So I know she will be back to receive those gifts. I also will need some additional surgery later this year so I am sure she will be helping me with that. Just cannot decide to speak honestly about my fondness for her or not. I have been trying so hard to not allow my fondness to grow for her but she is so sweet, patient and loving that it is hard to do. I know she has a fella but like I wrote earlier, I have had several married ladies press me. I know it is because I am kind (and usually have the kind, smile). So I know that usually I speak more to a woman's heart than most of their husband's and her man does. I know it all starts because I actually listen to them and respond accordingly. I know none of you here are this way but a lot of guys take what they have for granted. It is easy for me to connect but I have never stepped over the line. All I can ponder is the discussion with my sister and how it was my sister that got this cute little deadhead to be my nurse. Now I really do not know what to do. I think I am just going to present her the gifts and let her know that she will always have a very soft spot with me for all of the help that she has provided. Sorry for the rambling. Does anyone have any advice?

Seriously funny stuff.. completely cracked me up.

Omigosh, man, that reminds me of me, though your stories win by some miles. For me it was just one girl I was hopelessly, helplessly enamored of and kept thinking that seeing a great show together might spark something that was, in hindsight, never going to happen. Our first "date" was Jethro Tull ~ fine show until we couldn't find my car for about an hour afterwards. Then came Pittsburg '89, which we drove to together from Baltimore. As recently recounted, I never did hook up with my ticket connection ~ I gave her the one we had in hand, and watched her head in while I eventually had a front-row seat to the nationally televised riot after ticketless heads rushed the gates. Next came JGB that year, when she spotted her most recent ex and spent the entire post-show having a heart-to-heart with him as I waited nearby (after hurrying us along with "I'm tired" when I'd tried gushing with my own friends minutes earlier). Spring '90, third night Landover. Pre-show, she took a nap in my car rather than hang out with me in the lot. As soon as we got inside, she ran into yet another ex-boyfriend and left on the back of his motorcycle after the show. That's okay, at least I saw the Black-Throated breakout from the 9th row ~ where she'd refused to join me, having already told ex she'd be sitting behind the stage...just before my friends offered us the upgrade. There's yet another entry, 3rd night Nassau a week later ~ but you've heard enough. Yes, I was a sap. But we remain dear friends to this day. Spacebro, Appreciate the shout-out for 6/14/91. The finest post-Brent show, and stadium show period, that I saw. Pre-drums was to die for (Help > Slip > Franklin's > Estimated > Dark Star...are you kidding?). Then again, I missed RFK the year before, which by all accounts was the bomb. But backpacking in Europe that summer (and Asia that Fall) was a pretty great excuse....

It never worked well for me. Especially outdoor shows in the Florida heat. At The Who's 1982 tour stop in Orlando, my date dropped from the smoke( Maui wowie high grade) and the heat. She had to be lifted over the front of stage barricade. After the show she wandered out and looked like hell. Poor lass! Another time at Rush in Lakeland another date decided to puke all over the guys ahead of us. Red jungle juice all over this dudes tour shirt. Total calamities. I had to buy the guy another shirt to keep him from going ape shit.Had yet another date at Pink Floyd in Orlando mid 80s try and get back together with her ex she spotted in the crowd! I just couldn't win! Now with my wife of 24 years we have no issues as she is a non partier and likes to stay away from the insanity. Suits me fine. Oh yes The Stones Tattoo You tour 82, and a different girl. She passed out in the heat and had to go to the first aid station for fluids! Only to get in my Trans Am on the way home and fill the passengers floorboard with vomit that was so nasty, the smell refused to leave the car and cost me a nice chunk when I traded it in on a new ride. Like in Seinfeld that smell could not be erased. The salesman actually asked if someone had died in the car! Thanks Babe!!!

Sonuvagun you're right. Mule is in Grand Rapids tonight, not Rochester. Obviously I didnt have tix yet, but I was going to bust out of work and head right down to Meadowbrook. None of my usual concert buds wanted to go, and I was wondering / hoping someone from here might be there. Guess I dont need to bother. Have fun, man, tell us about it tomorrow. Mule and Galactic, dayum! I shoulda been more on top of it. Meijer Gardens is a great venue, small and intimate, like a club, but outside. As I recall they're kinda stingy about smoking there, tho. Saw Umphreys there a couple times. Jim -- thx --- I like to use the story of me, Mrs. Deadguy, and my roommates old S10 to help explain to folks who don't understand why I love going to shows so much, why they're such a big part of my pursuit of happiness. Figured most folks here would appreciate it.

I hear you Dave. I have been hit or miss on relationship GD love. Mostly miss, but always tolerance, I do expect at least that level of support. It's one of those things you have to discover for yourself, you can't push people into it. My first love was and still is a deadhead.. perhaps I should have stuck it out. Oh well, revisionist history I guess. On a related note.. in my tiny, tiny town (or at least close to it) we are getting the John K Band this weekend playing at a local bar/restaurant/music venue. He's from DC so its only a three hour drive for him. He did some sort of echo tour with one of my neighbors a few years back, so he's no stranger to recreating in the mountains here.. I think it was flat water kayak mountain lake related, the guide is an older hippie but not really a deadhead and had absolutely no idea who John Kadlecik was. It was only after it was over he pieced it all together. Anyway.. sorry for the side-bar.. The local music scene here is mostly bluegrass or shoddy cover bands, getting some better dead related stuff shines a ray of sunshine on the local scene.

That's quite impressive. I saw 5 myself. Well-4 and a half. At the middle night in London-Halloween 1990-my girlfriend of the time joined me to see the band. She had always been indifferent to them-but on this night-of all nights- she decided she hated them. Well, it wasn't so much the Dead, as the Deadheads. Sorry guys-hopefully it wasn't any of YOU. We happened to be sitting in a particularly smoky and rowdy section, and after the first set ended I decided enough was enough and we left. Otherwise there might have been carnage-she was very beautiful-but you wouldn't want to mess with her. It was a great set, too-arguably the best of the run. I saw them on my own either night of Halloween-both great shows to my ears-but the 31st was the ONE. I have never heard Govt Mule-although I their name crops up a lot. They are playing in London soon, so maybe I should go. On my own.