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a tale in progress, by request
WHAM!!!!!!!!
falling from the sky, landing with a bounce and narrowly missing her was a vintage split window VW microbus, painted in an odd pattern, of many different colors and trailing what looked like a rope woven from..........dental floss??? "Oh shit........" was her first reaction,.followed by "Why is my name on the license plate?" The rear doors opened with a pop.....and a very loud belch. A voice from inside was heard to mutter " Farg!!...I don't think we're in Mongolia anymore, Rip...nor France......"
"but...
while we're trying to figure out exactly where we are," Hippie pondered while stepping out of the split-windowed VW microbus, "why don't we all try singing a bar or two of Alice's Restaurant, while we haul these shovels and rakes and implements of destruction outta da bus, cuz it looks like we're going to have to dig a giant landing pad for the drunken flying monkeys to touch down on.**********************************
By trying we can easily learn to endure adversity -- another man's I mean.
Mark Twain
Bertha (the woman)
Looked at the implements of destruction in horror, and shouted to the group, "W - What'you think you're doing to my wheatfield, you BOZOs?"
Ripple looked up to see a woman with oddly familiar- looking luminous blue eyes and an expression on her face that suggested it wasn't going to be smiling anytime soon.
"The monkeys," he said, "We need a place to land them."
"Take those THINGS, and stuff them back up the butt of that BUS," she shouted. "The monkeys know what to do!"
Bertha (the van)'s passengers weren't exactly observant after they'd fallen out of the sky -- who would be after an experience like that? Scattered around Bertha's field were T-shaped posts that rose above wheat. Sure enough, the lead monkey swooped down and landed on the tallest of the perches, and his crew soon followed suit. To be sure there were a couple of shaky landings, and at least one monkey missed his perch altogether and plowed into the ground with a thud.
For his part, Hippy actually knew exactly where he was, and he'd stood frozen, eyes downcast, with his back to the rest of the group. He finally mustered up enough gumption to turn just a little, looked up into Bertha (the woman)'s eyes and felt them pierce straight into his soul. Bertha smiled, and his knees buckled as a little bit of his heart melted once again.
He manage a crooked smile back, and barely able to speak, he mumbled, "Hey Bertha, long time..."
Bertha was a sophisticated woman in her way, had been all around this world and seen many amazing things, but she too was practically speechless. "Hippy?? OMIGOD, Hippy, is that, like really YOU?? OMIGOD!!" (Bertha was a San Fernando Valley girl, born and raised, and was fluent in Val-speak long before Zappa, the movies, and TV popularized the dialect. When practically speechless, she tend to slip back into her native tongue, much to her chagrin).
She walked right up to Hippy who was expecting a big welcome hug. Instead, she smacked him square in the jaw, hard. THEN she hugged him, a hug for the ages -- a pretty embarrassing hug for the rest of the crew to watch, truth be told.
When they finally broke out of their clinch, Hippy stepped back a little and rubbed his jaw. "Dang, Bertha, what was THAT for?"
"You almost HIT me...
wif that dang bus, you longhaired, walleyed, tie-dyed, yurt smellin', mare's milk slurpin', monkey lovin', goofy-ass FREAK!!......and you KNOW why I slugged ya!!!" Bertha exclaimed.. "Just wait'll I get a hold of RIPPLE, and THEN you'll see some.......some......dammit, Hippy...where have you been?"
Ripple,....hiding behind the bus
and waving away several monkeys attempting to land on his shoulders, kept as quiet as possible....knowing full well that the slug Hippy received was NOTHING compared to what Bertha was going to subject HIM to. "RIPPLE!!!!!" Bertha screamed, "come HERE, right NOW, you BASTARD!! I'm Gonna GAG you wif this DAMNED bus!!.....TOTALLY!!.......fer SHUR!!!!!"
Just as
Spoonful started wafting from Bertha(the van)'s speakers, Ripple tried to imagine gagging on the microbus of many colors, quickly realizing he'd much rather gag on a microdot of many colors, spoon or no. As the sky began to melt into a rather strange blend of hues, he paused to consider short person behavior in pedal-depressed, pan-chromatic resonances and other highly ambient domains. Just before he could manage an "Arf..."
Conversation is always more interesting than recitation, so speak your mind and not someone else's.
It dawned on him
That the sky colors were looking a bit more coherent than his prior microdot (or microbus, for that matter) experiences would lead him to expect. They appeared, in fact and despite the otherwise crystal-clear blue sky, to be coalescing into a rainbow that ended smack-dab in the middle of Bertha (the woman)'s field.
"Oz..."
Hippy
Knew that he wanted nothing more than to put Bertha (the van) up on blocks and spend the rest of his days hanging with Bertha (the woman) on her thousand acres in Kansas. But the appearance of the rainbow, and Ripple's "Oz" brought him back to the reality of their mission.
He turned to Bertha (the woman) and asked, "You haven't by chance seen Too-late Tony and Longhair Bob lurking in the area, have you?"...knowing full well that Tony had gotten a head start in this direction. Between the Eiffel Tower flood and windstorm, and their terrifying Atlantic crossing supported only by dental floss and drunken flying monkeys, they'd lost the Tony's trail and had no idea if Tony was ahead of them, or behind, in the race to Oz.
"Too-late Tony? That 15-minute screaming idiot who crashed with you and Trapper in the Haight? What do you want with that doofus?"
from underneath the bus, a muffled voice was heard
" 'scuse me.....about these monkeys..."
I have to agree with Johnman
Last time we saw Tony and Bob, they had jumped in the car and were driving through the sandstorm. Guido was still at the yurt. And then the yurt ended up on Eiffel Tower, presumably with all hands still on board. If one of the two (or three, including Bob) is under the van, seems like it should be Guido.
Actually
It was Bob and Beer Ball who jumped into the car to try to catch a MATS flight to Oz. And catch it they did! Armed only with a very old number and an unquenchable desire for some really swell kool-aide, they had managed to make their way to the single gauge railway ride up to Kuranda and luckily secured a batch of Bear's private reserve. Look, there they are now, sliding down the rainbow! "Whoa, man," was all Bob could muster as a greeting. Ripple and Hippy took one look at their old pal Beer Ball and said, synchronously, "Sweet dye, man! Where did you get it, and how do you make it move?" Beer Ball said "All I have to do is move and it moves. Haven't you ever seen tie dye kool-aide before? Here. Come and taste the rainbow!" Beer Ball commenced to tap out some cups for all when Bertha(the van) lurched slightly and switched to CD one from Europe 72 (you know, the Rhino re-release with the groovy bonus tracks) in celebration. Bertha(the woman) said, "Now wait a minute..."
Conversation is always more interesting than recitation, so speak your mind and not someone else's.
:)
Dangerous Mindy flying monkey pinata
http://www.dangerousminds.net/comments/flying_monkey_pinata/
**********************************
I am not young enough to know everything.
Oscar Wilde
"Now wait a minute"
Bertha (the woman) started looking back and forth between Guido and Tony. "There's TWO of them?!!"
Bertha had met Tony, of course, more than 30 years ago, but had no idea that he was a twin -- something Tony famously avoided telling anyone who didn't already know. Here in the flesh, though the years had resulted in some appearance differences (mostly, Tony looked permanently disheveled, while Guido was always well-groomed and neat as a pin...though looking not quite himself after the ordeal of the sandstorm, flood, and big wind), were two lookalikes who looked too much like old versions of one of Bertha's least-favorite acquaintances.
"Hippy, what's going on here?" she asked, suddenly very apprehensive.
"well, Berfa....I'll ltcha know in about 15 minutes....uh oh"
"FIFTEEN MINUTES??!?!!" screamed Tony.....
"OK," whispered Bertha
Into Hippy's ear (a very delightful sensation). "So that's one's Tony. Who's the OTHER ONE?"
the other one was....
guido thats who and hippys ear was all wet and sloppy a sensation he was not at all familiar with Bertha demanded an explanation hippy gave his usual dumb puupy eyed look and sighed....
ok ok
if hippys bob then who is bob is bob hippy and i thought bob was dead or was that tony youve all got 15 minutes to answer and where are the flying monkeys ? are we looking for oz is hippy to settle down with bertha or does she tell him dont come around here anymore or vice versa we need help guys we need direction................meanwhile back in kansas....
Well
Fifteen minutes had passed, and Hippy still owed Bertha (the woman) an answer, so he sat her down on Bertha (the van)'s front bumper and went digging around inside the back of the van. When he came out, he was holding a stack of 8X10 color glossy photos with circles and arrows and a paragraph on the back of each, and proceeded to use them to illustrate his tale. He told Berth (the woman) of the yurt and Yurticulus; the trapped (but since freed) Chilean mimers; the vicious swan bloody massacree; the beer ball, sandstorm, flood, Eiffel tower, and dental floss; the one-eyed-Chesire-grinned sailor, the baguette melee, their harrowing Atlantic crossing, but most especially, he talked about the Three Wiseguys and the flying monkeys.
Meanwhile, Guido had found a guitar, and he and Tony and Bob were singing the chorus or "Alice's Restaraunt Massacree" in surprisingly sweet 3-part harmony, over and over and over.
Hippy, annoyed at anything the wiseguy trio might do, growled, "Cut out that racket! This Kansas, not the friggin Berkshires!"
Guido turned his most menacing look on Hippy, and said, "I don't care where we are, it's almost Thanksgiving and this is what we DO. If you don't like it, take your stupid story over there to the Group W bench!"
"Group Dubya bench?" Hippy was confused until Guido jerked his head back toward the north end of the wheat field.
Sure enough, back at the edge of the field was a bench. The bench was occupied mostly by flying monkeys too drunk to stay atop their perches. There was a scruffy young fellow who could have been a father raper or a litterer, tough to tell at that distance.
Oddest of all, there was a familiar-seeming guy dressed in a blue suit with a stack of books under one arm. He was trying to sell the books to the Group W Bench denizens, regaling them with stories of deception and war. The monkeys were too drunk to care, but when the guy started talking about waterboarding, well, they all perked right up. Flying monkeys are known snowboarding enthusiasts, and they were all right interested in learning about waterboarding...that is until it dawned on them that what the book salesmen was talking about had nothing to do with motor boats, tow ropes, and skimming the waves.
Even Group W folks have their standards, so two of the monkeys grabbed the salesman by his shoulders and flew him and his books away out over the northern horizon...and came back without him.
Hippy was relating Guido's flying monkey contract with the hag in Oz, that certain girl and her dog still on the loose and making trouble for the hag.
Hearing this, Bertha (the woman)'s eyes widened. She fixed her piercing stare at Guido, who immediately stopped playing the guitar, then turned back to Hippy.
"This is about Oz and that witch?" she asked. "Do you have any idea what's going on in Oz? Oh Hippy, things are not good at all..."
so they all went to denny's
for the grand slam breakfast, and the burnt coffee...
will jump in again sooner or later
been reading along, but not feeling at all creative lately. :(**********************************
I am not young enough to know everything.
Oscar Wilde
No problem, TL
I'm guessing that you have enough on your mind right now. Not feeling especially creative myself, but lately about 1 night a week I can't sleep, and then the next morning I've got a long passage to write...my (unsuccessful, I might add) substitute for counting sheep.
completely understand
how you feel tl hope your back writing soon oh and al when i cant sleep i concentrate solely on my breathing as searching for enlightment try it
the grand slam breakfast
was washed down with the burnt coffee and bertha started to fill the guys in on what was happening in oz,it was not good news at all the great wizard had lost the plot completely usually high on the strips outta benzedrine inhalers he was totally lost and did not no what was going on,he had melted the man of tin in a blind rage,set the straw man (jack) on fire and was keeping the lion hostage.the town of oz was also outta control bertha explained some one needs to head over there and sort this shit out and with a tilt of her head she stared straight into ripples eyes.....
"But the worst,"
She said, "is that the hand stirring this big, vile pot is that old hag in the West. Except that she's not so old-looking anymore. She's cast a spell that has all around her in her thrall, and part of that spell makes her look, well, pretty hot. She's been traveling around Oz holding rallies and tea parties, claiming that she's one of the 'little people,' and people believe her even though she's taller than I am. Her minions are sowing seeds of discontent and strife, have pitted brother against brother, husband against wife, neighbor against neighbor. There's not a lot of smiling going on in Oz anymore, if you can believe THAT!"
Hippy had no idea about any of this, of course, and he was taken aback -- no smiling in Oz? Why even in the worst of times you could count on smiling faces in Oz. "What can we do about that?" he asked.
Bertha had been thinking. "I have to believe that if the witch has contracted with THOSE morons," -- she pointed at Larry, Curly and Mo...er Tony, Bob and Vito -- "to monkey-snatch that wandering girl and her dog, then that the girl must pose a threat to witch's plans. You have to SAVE them!"
"And save them we will"
said ripple "ok we need a plan" he searched his friends faces for a plan and even searched his monkeys snatch "no plan there" he announced, Bertha lookes up her eyes shining brightly "by george ive got it,listen up guys...
Bertha
spoke of a bunch of musicians she new from out west she called them the band with two drummers and she said they could put a smile on anyones face.She said there entourage also included a man called mr keys,a prankster of a man with a brightly coloured bus,a driver called Neal and a bunch of happy people.The sign on the front of the bus said Further.Ripple decided to deploy his flying monkeys in search of the band with the two drummers to see if they would help out oz with there orange sunshine, music,lights and madness.....
the monkeys returned
with solem faces,they told of there travels they were not able to locate the band with two drummers.Ripple decided the time for action was now,they loaded up the bus and headed to oz.......
gratefaldean
no did not see it but dear me what have we created flying monkey pinatas,dilbert what next.
I think the comic strip referred to it
As a "winged" monkey or something like that...sure looks like our little critters, though. Like Johnman, I about fell off my chair the first time I saw it.
OK, we need to get the bus over the rainbow to Oz.
the bus over the rainbow
that part's easy, Dean-cuz it's a magic bus that can drive right over the arc of the rainbow, and into Oz-escorted by a squadron of flying monkeys blowing vuvuzelas to announce the grand arrival.**********************************
I am not young enough to know everything.
Oscar Wilde