Comments

sort by
Recent
Reset
  • ripple70
    Default Avatar
    Joined:
    opened the door
    and couldnt work out why bertha the van was hangin from the yurt fastened by braided dental floss.The flood had passed and the yurt was perched dangeriously atop the eiffel tower no more sandstorm either thought ripple if we can braid more floss we can tie it to thease monkeys and they can fly us to safety ripple thought.Now being drunk and flying a yurt was a criminal offence in france,out of nowhere appeared a one eyed sailor with a cheshire grin....
  • ripple70
    Default Avatar
    Joined:
    i know gratefaldean
    think this the 2nd time we posted at the same time its fine though continuity was out the window a long time ago brother!
  • johnman
    Joined:
    tho I dunno what good the yurt would be
    lessen ya stuck alla the Rangers inside...wif the beer and fermented mare's milk..
  • johnman
    Joined:
    wal, hail...
    we kin askum....
  • Gypsy Cowgirl
    Joined:
    BUT will flying monkeys & yurts...
    help the SF Giants win the next few games???
  • johnman
    Joined:
    Hippy's eyes slammed open..
    and he awoke with a start....huddled in a fetal position on the floor of the yurt, surrounded by passed out drunken flying monkeys, empty beer bottles and a half full skin of fermented mare's milk. " Oh my......what did I do THIS time" Hippy mumbled while holding his head in his hands. "Ripple TOLD me not to let these guys in..." Nauseated by the breath of drunken flying monkeys , he stumbled to the door of the yurt....
  • johnman
    Joined:
    atop the eiffel tower...
    Hippy was scratching his head and thinking he forgot something....."the van!!...the VAN!!...We forgot Bertha!!" Hippy exclaimed...Ripple thought for a moment, and coming up with an idea, he reached in his pocket for the dental floss he always carried and started to weave a rope, one strong enough to pull a van up the eiffel tower. Enlisting the help of one of the more sober flying monkeys, he instructed it to find Yurtilicious, for he knew that's where Bertha would be. "Tie the rope to the bumper" he said...........
  • gratefaldean
    Joined:
    Sorry, Ripple
    I think we posted at about the same time. Continuity once more out the window!
  • gratefaldean
    Joined:
    Back at the yurt
    Hippy, practically feverish with worry, was pacing and pacing, hoping to come up with a strategy to end this conflict with a minimum of mayhem. Bertha (his van) was parked just outside the door. Over the years, after countless paint jobs in countless painting styles, Bertha had always retained two elements in her design. The first was always found, upon close examination, in the strangest of places: a pair of luminous blue eyes which, if you looked at them long enough and looked at them just right, would seemingly pierce right through your soul. The second, which could be found hidden in plain sight all over the van: the name, "Bertha." If questioned about who/what "Bertha" was, Hippy would typically and variously claim that Bertha was his family dog when he was a kid; a bullfrog that he had for a couple of weeks when he was 6; a cat that had lived to the incredible age of 25; even an iguana that he kept in his college dorm room his freshman year. But if you got enough beer in him, and steered him into a sentimental mood, you just might prise this story from him: About 2.8 million miles back in Bertha the hippie van's history, Hippy shared an apartment on Haight St in SF with his good buddy and best pal, Rob Trapper (note: name changed to protect the living). Rob was an aspiring poet, and he and Hippy had clicked from the start. As was common in those days, the apartment also hosted a revolving cast of various and sundry other like-minded folk and its share of very short-term transients. It was here, in fact, that Hippy had first encountered Too-Late Tony and his none-too-bright sidekick, Longhaired Bob. Tony was in the midst of his first and only rebellion against his family and his brother, and Bob was as always along for the ride. Though he tried to fit in with the peace-and-love crowd, his "15 minute" rages turned everyone off (except Bob, who seemed to find comfort in them), and he was soon sent packing. (Tony wasn't stupid, though, and learned something about the drug trade during his West Coast tenure, and tried to use that to ingratiate himself with this Family upon his return. It worked to the extent that it could, but Guido was still Guido and would always be Guido; Tony was Tony and would always be 15 mintues too late). Hippy and Rob spent relatively little time at the apartment, preferring instead to roam around in (as yet unnamed) Bertha. You'd find them at the docks, in the park, in the mountains. They'd take long roadtrips to the desert, where Hippy would paint away on the van and Rob would scribble endlessly in his notebook. Their very frequent companion was a striking, golden-haired young woman named Bertha. Bertha had luminous blue eyes that seemed to pierce right through to your soul, and a smile that would melt a bit of your heart each time she turned it your way. She was a fiercely intelligent young woman, wise beyond her years, and was kind enough to suffer fools with humor and grace. She was also unrepentently independent: she belonged to no one but herself, and never would. It's no surprise then, that nearly anyone who spent time with her would fall in love with Bertha. One evening Hippy and Rob were off to a big party at a nearby dancehall. Bertha had other plans, so she dropped them at the hall and they arranged for a time when she'd pick them up. The party was a great success, everyone danced all night. During breaks, Rob spent a lot of time chatting up the lead guitarist of the house band, another of his buddies, while Hippy shook the hand of each and every person in the hall. At the end of the evening, they stumbled out into the dark and into the awaiting van, and Bertha began to pilot them home. The night was uncharacteristically clear, with a big old full moon dipping toward the horizon. Hippy got a notion and stuck his head out the window and began howling at the moon, and Rob soon followed suit. Their timing was poor, as a bored police officer parked in a alley heard the ruckus and pulled them over. Bertha managed to shush her friends and banned them to the back of the van. When the officer approached, she turned the full force of her smile on him, and he felt his knees buckle just a little as part of this heart melted. Cops are inquisitive by nature, so despite his smile-induced decision not to hassle these folks, and to soak in more of that smile, he decided a few questions were in order. "What's wrong with your friends?" he asked. Bertha laughed, and said, "Oh they're fine. They just got done with a test and are blowing off a little steam. I'm taking them straight home, you bet!" "Test, what kind of test?" "Well, kind of a chemical test." "A chemistry test?" "Not exactly, a chemical test." "I don't understand. What kind of chemical?" "Acid mostly, I think." In the back of the van, Hippy had gotten quite mesmerized by the strobing red light of the cops cherry-topped car. Rob, though, overhearing the conversation, started muttering something over and over, not quite loud enough to be heard. The cop shone his flashlight into the back of the van right at Rob, and said, "What are you saying, boy?" Rob bellowed out, "I'm saying TEST ME, TEST ME, YOU MORON, WHY DON'T YOU ARREST ME???!!" Thus Hippy and Rob found themselves in a holding cell with a bunch of drunks for the rest of the night. As they were semi-lucid by morning, the cops cut them loose without charges, dropping the idea of holding them for psychiatric evaluation. Hippy was some peeved at Rob for his night in the hoosegow, and shuddered that they came just this close to ending up in the loony bin. The incident caused the tiniest crack in the bond between Hippy and Rob, but nothing that a little time and maybe a roadtrip wouldn't have fixed. But real trouble was brewing: Hippy was in love with Bertha, and so was Rob. This is never a good situation and seldom ends well. As Bertha would never be tied to one man, Hippy eventually was filled with despair and longing, and jumped into his van solo, the start of his life of wandering, looking for Bertha around every corner. Rob hooked up with a band, but that's another story entirely. Bertha managed to have three daughters but no husbands, and the daughters all resembled their Mom in a striking way. The daughters too each had three daughters, following Bertha's lead, sans husbands or any longterm romantic entanglements. (To Hippy's everlasting regret, he could call none of those lovely daughters, nor any three of of the grandkids, his own. And with some bitterness, he suspected that Rob could. He was wrong about that, but he held that against Rob for much, much too long). Bertha supported here brood by writing fantasy novels and children's books (under a pseudonym, of course) and did a bit of wandering herself. When she finally settled, it was on a thousand acres of farmland in the heart of the country, where her heart seemed to beat as one with the rhythm of the land. The farm was in Kansas. Now while the rainbow that connects Kansas to Oz tends to move here and there and can be particularly tough at times to track down, its Kansas home base happened to be smack in the middle of Bertha's wheat field. Some say that Bertha was drawn to the rainbow, but most believe that the rainbow was drawn to Bertha. Back at the yurt, Hippy's reverie ended, and he knew what he had to do. He locked the yurt door against the sandstorm, jumped into Bertha the van, and drove west.
  • ripple70
    Default Avatar
    Joined:
    so.......
    ripples hippy became hipper,beer was brewed,mimers mined,yaks yaked and flying monkeys flew,long haired bobs hair grew short and llamas did what ever llamas did.Yurtilicious started to become visible and guido got 5 to 10 for possesion of chinese opium.And then came the great flood ripple thought what now but tony had an idea he turned the yurt upside down in the hope it would float,and guess what it did.The mimers were thrown overboard for balast reasons and found there way safely to france where they perched there selves safely on top of the eiffel tower.Ripple and his hippy were tired and longed to return to there quiet and humble life when out of nowhere......
user picture

Member for

17 years 5 months
Forums
a tale in progress, by request
user picture

Member for

17 years 4 months
Permalink

Every day I get in the queue (Too much, the Magic Bus)To get on the bus that takes me to you (Too much, the Magic Bus) I'm so nervous, I just sit and smile (Too much, the Magic Bus) Your house is only another mile (Too much, the Magic Bus) Thank you, driver, for getting me here (Too much, the Magic Bus) You'll be an inspector, have no fear (Too much, the Magic Bus) I don't want to cause no fuss (Too much, the Magic Bus) But can I buy your Magic Bus? (Too much, the Magic Bus) Nooooooooo! Pete Townshend
user picture

Member for

17 years 4 months
Permalink

at the bottom of the rainbow was a pot of gold, and a bunch of very startled Oz Leprechauns, who were holding their ears in dismay at the vuvuzela fanfare.********************************** I am not young enough to know everything. Oscar Wilde
user picture
Default Avatar

Member for

14 years 2 months
Permalink

monkeys did not like the look of the leprechauns and eyed them suspiciously,the fanfare subsided and ripple asked one of the leprechauns to point him in the direction of the great wizard,the leprachauns took off swiftly they did not like the look of the ripple and his hippy.Off flew the monkeys in search of the great wizard,ripple just sat,too much the magic bus.......
user picture

Member for

16 years 10 months
Permalink

the monkeys and leprechauns stopped what they were doing. They all had a shocked and dismayed look on their little faces as if a great disturbance had occurred.......somewhere....far away in the lad of ill ah noyeee a strong, wise, and kind heart stopped beating, and they somehow knew things had changed forever though they knew not why....... (for your daddy, Tigerlilly....we love you!!)
user picture

Member for

17 years 4 months
Permalink

on this story??********************************** I am not young enough to know everything. Oscar Wilde
user picture

Member for

16 years 10 months
Permalink

but I think there was something about a collision between monkeys and reindeer........
user picture

Member for

17 years 4 months
Permalink

I've though about it a little lately, have been too holidaze-lazy to do more than that.
user picture
Default Avatar

Member for

17 years 3 months
Permalink

haven't really been following this topic just thought every would like to know that the flyin monkey is a theater in plymouth , nh ....maybe they all decided to go into acting after all they did star in the wizard of oz www.flyingmonkeynh.com
user picture

Member for

16 years 10 months
Permalink

so THAT'S where the nest is......
user picture

Member for

17 years 4 months
Permalink

I thought someone had picked up this thread again. I had a scene in my head about the van tooling down the Golden Road (aka Yellow Brick Road)...but hadn't figured out exactly where it was headed. Hmmm....flying monkeys.
user picture

Member for

17 years 4 months
Permalink

The mission was on. The road that runs through Oz (known as "the Yellow Brick Road," and by some, "The Golden Road") is nigh on impossible to navigate for the novice. The are no maps, few signs or dividing lines, and very few rules to guide. The roads themselves have a habit of dead-ending without warning; circling back on themselves; and scarier still, a path that leads to Point A one day may lead to Point B, or Z for that matter, days, weeks, or years later. This basic unreliability meant that in order to have a prayer of getting to where you want to go, you need to bring a boatload, a damn supertanker load, of experience and intuition to the process. Bertha (the woman) possessed both in spades. Not only had she made hundreds of trips over Oz hill and dale, but she could always tell the deuces from the aces in a deck of cards, easily avoided the Suicide Jack, and under her gaze, the Queen of Diamonds would shine like the sun. Bertha (the woman) therefore found herself at the wheel of Bertha (the van), Hippy riding shotgun, various and sundry of the crew piled into the back, and a group of flying monkeys settled atop the roof. Though Hippy had driven the van millions of miles, Bertha (the woman) had logged more than a few hundred thousand behind the wheel herself, spelling Hippy during their trips through the desert, taking the wheel when he was seeing double during many a San Fransiscan night. Though a few decades had passed since she'd planted her butt in that driver's seat, Bertha felt right at home. Bertha depressed the clutch, turned the key, gave the old van some gas, let out the clutch. Bertha (the van) lurched forward about 3 feet and stalled out. Bertha's clutch, you see, had a miniscule (some would say microscopic) sweet spot: if you didn't hit it and finesse it just right, your trip in Bertha was bound to be confined to a series of very annoying three-foot forward lurches...assuming that you were on level ground. Bertha (the woman) turned to Hippy and said, "You've been keeping this bucket of bolts running for close to half a century and you NEVER FIXED THE FRIGGIN' CLUTCH??" Hippy chuckled for a few seconds, then responded, "C'mon Bertha, of COURSE I fixed it. Problem is, when I got it just exactly perfect, I hated it. You have no idea how long it took me to fine tune it back to the way it was before I started 'fixing' the sucker." Bertha (the woman) touched Hippy's hand and gave him a great big smile, and Hippy's heart melted a little bit more than just a little. She cranked up the van's engine again, popped the clutch, and smoothly shifted through the gears up to cruising speed. "Just like riding a bicycle," she said, right pleased and amazed at the wonders of muscle memory. "We're off to see the Wizard!" she exclaimed, more out of tradition than intent. Thus the crew began its journey down the Golden Road: Bertha's eyes fixed on the road, confidently making decisions at each fork and crossroads, Hippy's eyes fixed on Bertha, the monkeys playing five-card stud on the roof, and everyone else in the back cranking Dead tunes and playing video games. Bertha (the woman)'s good mood slowly dissipated. It started when she began to notice that the surrounding fields and forests were encroaching on the road: in some places, the yellow bricks were visible only as narrow tracks. Infrastructure problems in Oz were unheard of, and Bertha had no idea why the road wasn't being maintained. And then, They faced a vast cornfield, and the road forked wide, right and left. An empty scarecrow stand was directly ahead of them, and though there was a sign at the juncture, it characteristically and unhelpfully pointed nowhere in particular. Bertha stopped the van. She felt nothing, no inkling of the direction to take. She stuck her head out the window and said something to the flying monkeys. Immediately two monkeys folded their hands and flapped up from the van. One headed left, one headed right down the road. Bertha (the woman) looked at Hippy and said, "Hippy, something is very wrong here. I've sent those two to do some recon for us, but I have a bad feeling that we may never see them again. We need to be thinking about what to do if they don't come back, because this very well could be...the end."
user picture
Default Avatar

Member for

15 years 2 months
Permalink

The end of what, many might ask....
user picture

Member for

17 years 4 months
Permalink

For this story, so I thought I'd bring it to an end...but made sure it wasn't really an end to the story, just in case someone might like to pick it up again at a later date.
user picture
Default Avatar
Permalink

....were actually reeper and predator drones designed to fool he Taliban. by locating the yellow brick road and it's adjacent crops. This they did very well and returned with a light "thud" to the bus where they were fed terminator remnants. Now, there were good and bad flying monkeys and the micro-bus had unfortunately discovered the wrong kind. What was called for now were empathetic healing flying monkey drones to replenish the crops.and bring peace to the kingdom, hippy & bertha.
user picture
Default Avatar

Member for

14 years 2 months
Permalink

the beginning or the end? thought thease monkeys flew off months ago are they back
user picture

Member for

17 years 4 months
Permalink

Another opens, Ripple. Is it the end or the beginning? I dunno...I felt as if the thing had kind of petered out, and I'm not sure that I want to follow the Taliban into the plot, but hey, who knows?
user picture
Default Avatar

Member for

14 years 2 months
Permalink

the taliban have no place in here brother, thinking about a new story just now!!!!1
user picture

Member for

17 years 4 months
Permalink

For a cookie and a beer, though the way today is going, beer should come first, and often.
user picture

Member for

16 years 10 months
Permalink

then a cookie, washed down with a beer. Repeat as necessary.
user picture

Member for

17 years 4 months
Permalink

Spammer has hijacked our story....release the flying monkeys!!
user picture

Member for

17 years 4 months
Permalink

perhaps Ripple's wanting to throw a huge white wedding for one of the monkeys, who fell in love. :) ********************************** I am not young enough to know everything. Oscar Wilde
user picture

Member for

17 years 4 months
Permalink

You can gussy up a flying monkey in a wedding dress, but I'm thinking that the phrase "beautiful bride" will not get much use during or after the ceremony.
user picture

Member for

17 years 4 months
Permalink

well I would hope that the lucky monkey's husband-to-be finds her to be a beautiful bride in her spammy wedding dress ;)********************************** I am not young enough to know everything. Oscar Wilde
user picture

Member for

17 years 5 months
Permalink

I don't think that counts within the spirit of fictional improvisation. Out it goes.
user picture

Member for

17 years 4 months
Permalink

Is, as you may not know, considered a delicacy among flying monkeys. But there's nothing delicate about the winged apes' reaction to this traditional "mystery meat" product. Just a hint, a glimpse of an iconic blue can of spam will set them to tying napkins (or any substitute scrap of fabric, including wedding dresses) around their necks in eager anticipation of feasting on this salty treasure. Once the can is open, the monkeys will engage in a feeding frenzy the likes of which should not be witnessed in a family-friendly story such as this. Yes, flying monkeys do love their spam. And for those who would like to see spam erased from this world, virtual and real, I say again, release the flying monkeys!!
user picture

Member for

17 years 4 months
Permalink

thank you for that informational tidbit, Dean! :) Let the flying monkeys have a spam frenzy-and rid us of this plague indeed!********************************** I am not young enough to know everything. Oscar Wilde
user picture

Member for

17 years 4 months
Permalink

And figured I'd percolate this now very-much-out-of-sequence funtime project back up to the top of the Forum list to say it. Anyone heard from him since he lost his internet connection? I hope things are going better... For that matter, ripple70 disappeared pretty suddenly, without warning, as well, and I can't say that I've seen Mr Pid in these parts of late either. Get back to where you once belonged....
user picture
Default Avatar
Permalink

i wonder about a lot of handles that come and go
user picture

Member for

17 years 4 months
Permalink

That there's some number of Dead.net users who reinvent themselves with a new "nomme de mort," new avatar, new profile? I'm in kind of a "shedding my skin" mood myself...
user picture

Member for

16 years 10 months
Permalink

Got connection back via smartphone about 2.5 years ago, though getting into dead.net was close to impossible. I now have a laptop, but using hotspot on my phone still allows me only limited access due to time constraints. Had to move in with my father when he could no longer care for himself. The 55 and up community he lives in had free cable and internet, but dropped those amenities not long after I acquired the laptop, hence the use of Hotspot/wi-fi...time will tell if our finances improve...nice being back, though this device works different than my home PC. Still learning....
user picture

Member for

12 years 3 months
Permalink

is nice to have around, johnman. I hope you get lots of beer and cookies from Santa this year. Do you leave out beer and cookies for Santa? That would kinda make it Even-Steven, I would think.