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It's a common tale: you're into the Dead. You're also into your relationship with your significant other, who is very much not into the Dead.
How do you make it work?
izzie's story!
Chris and I met in '91 after 10 years of not seeing each other. I was doing the homeless --> hippie --> biker thing while he was being an Army officer. We'd been around each other as teenagers, but never really talked. the Freak and the Geek, you know. Anyway, we went out and of course for me, talk turned to music. He asked me if I liked Debbie Gibson. We'd just been talking about mutual friends, so I said, uh I don't remember her. Where'd she go to school? He cracked up, as she was apparently hot on some charts. Then I asked him about the Grateful Dead. He rolled his eyes and said that his best friend from childhood was a deadhead, so at least he knows who Jerry Garcia is. We got married about 5 months later, and a month after that we went to my ex's town to pick up my ferret and see a show. That's when he fell asleep at a sweet little JGB acoustic show.
How's it work? He knows if the music is up loud and I'm dancing in the living room with my eyes closed, it is not the time to ask me about the checkbook issue. and if I want to hold him and sway to Stella Blue, he knows to take it like a lover and just shut up. And he learned early on that no, it's not country music, it doesn't all sound the same, and that Brent was a god. He'll call me at home now (we don't live together because of my job) and will hear Brent wailing in the background: "oh were you and Brent having a moment? should I call you back?"
Chris is the best partner in the entire fucking world.
love just is...
Ixtlanvet 's wife is double bad like that! She can't stand 'em or Bobby Dylan.So,s here how's I cope:
She dose'nt go with me to the big shows.
I don't play it @ home or in the car.
It's worked like that for 26 years.
I have Dylan tickets in-hand.
Last time I saw RatDog I met Caryl Hart!
She like's to read...
[gofigure]
-Ix
well...
well....
we do agree about Sugaree and all things Grateful though she would rather hear Roger Daltry sing, more than Jerry or Bobby... she prefers the singing talent of CSNY over the dead's attempts at harmonies... but the jamming is jamming, and life jams away.
but we both left our brains on the 5:15 so long ago. and have both been happily on our own 'dizzy ride' for many years.
finally, for those times when we are grooving to a different drummer...
on the eigth day, God created headphones.
peace.
the serious comment I'd add, is it is all about mutual respect for each other's desires and tastes.
but Hunter's words speak volumes:
"Merry run around
Sailing up and down
Looking for a shove in some direction
Got it from the top
It's nothing you can stop
Lord, you know they made a fine connection
They love each other
Lord, you can see it's true
Lord, you can see it's true
Lord, you can see it's true
He could pass his time
Around some other line
But you know he chose this place beside her
Don't get in the way
There's nothing you can say
Nothing that you need to add or do
It's nothing, they explain
It's like a diesel train
Better not be there when it rolls over
And when that train rolls in
You won't know where it's been
You gotta try to see a little further
Though you'll make a noise
They just can't hear your voice
They're on a dizzy ride and you're cold sober
Hope you will believe what I say is true
Everything I did, I heard it first from you
Heard your news report
You know you're falling short
Pretty soon won't trust you for the weather
When that ship comes in
You won't know where it's been
You got to try to see a little further"
Yeah, she would drop me at the shows...
I remember my darlin' wife of 25 years saying she had never seen so many weirdo's, after dropping me off at a Red Rocks show. I always felt at home, so I didn't think we looked THAT weird....
She doesn't listen to the same stuff I am into - trance, Goa, Dead, 'Spread, Cheese, Dog, Zero 7, Morcheeba - I don't listen to much Vince Gill. I am usually kind (she REALLY can't stand them), but my daughter has all my disks, and we listen to all the "good" stuff.
So, at least one of "my girls" like my jams. The other one is fun to cuddle, makes up for the music thing. Even if she like Vince Gill.
{8^{>
married into the family
My wife and the love of my life like's to say she married into the "family". I went to my first show at 13 - the wall of sound test cow palace march 23 1974. Forever dead after that(thank's Kevin). My wife and I have been together 10 years now and she actually has started to enjoy it. It remind's her of summer. The real test was the Grateful dead family reunion at alpine valley. After an awesome vibe from the crowd and a spectacular double rainbow right over the stage, the music has never stopped. There is hope! peace.
enjoyed the shows
I'm a big GD-Fan since the 70's.Back in1994 my wife and I made a trip from Germany to California.
One of the main goals for that trip was to see the Dead at CalExpo,Sacramento. I knew, my wife was not that enthusiastic about their music so I convinced her to go to attend least one of the three CalExpo shows with me. So we arranged to see the first show togeher and the other two shows I go myself with friends.
In hopes she might like the live atmoshere in combination with the music, I got tickets for her for all three shows as well. But she didn't know.
After the first night I asked her how she liked the show and she replied, that she enjoyed it very much. Especially the big party, before, during and after the show. Something hard to find in Europe. Up came old memories. So I was aked to get tickets for the other shows, which I already had. Luckily. All shows were sold out. Both we enjoyed a three night party with the greatest music ever played on the planet. Now she shares my love to the GD. But still, she prefers her more mainstream-music.
I would say that the blame was mine...
I basically killed the Grateful Dead for my wife.
When we first started dating I asked her if she liked the Dead, and when she said "well, i really only know Touch of Grey and Truckin , and I like those", instead of "eeewww, those hippie losers?" I immediately took that as a good sign and made her a mixed tape. By then i knew she was into jazz so I included the Branford Eyes from 3/29/90, added some safe and beautiful acoustic tunes from Reckoning, and took my chances with a live Stella Blue from the Knick in '90...
She really liked the tape--not overly so, but enough that I felt quite comfortable playing them when she was around.
Things progressed great, (like a diesel train--nothing that you need to add or do ;-) and we moved in together. So now she's exposed much more to the gazillion different (to my ears) version of Eyes, Fire, Scarlet, etc., and each time i'm saying 'wait til you hear this though--it's a GREAT version--but I was oblivious to the fact that it doesn't matter what the version sounds like to me--to her it's just TOO MUCH of the what sounds like the same.
I shoulda quit while I was ahead, basically, and if I only played the Dead once in a while she'd be fine, maybe even ask me to turn it up. (Maybe). But the good news is that even though all this happened, she still agreed to marry me, and it's more a running joke now than anything.
I can still annoy the crap out of her by cranking up Fire in the car, but she gives it right back, by mocking Jerry's voice on those occassions, when, let's face it--he sounds like a frog being strangled in a blender. And the less said about her thoughts on Donna, the better.
I think if you can drive your spouse crazy by overplaying the Dead day and night--and she still loves you and doesn't kick you to the curb, you got a good thing going.
Truckin
I listen to the Dead I would say 95% of the time when I am in my truck. My wife always complains that we just heard that song and can we put the radio on . I tell her wait here's were Jerry does this awesome jam. I'll be singing along and say "everybody now" and my son who is six years old starts singing with me. Now my wife is shaking her head because my son and I are both singing.
grateful union
tj crowley first things first...clinically (and for communication purposes) SO should be S/O..now.....my response to questioning folk has always been...when the boys are in town i know who's w/ the children AND when we get divorced there's no argument over who gets the tapes
we were both huge fans....
saw some great shows together; had some special bonding moments on the road, etc....had a real strong magical bond.
and then one day, she would have no more of any of it.
Shows, music, partying even the slightest bit....nothing. Nada. Zero.
and then she went crazy for real.
That was the saddest part.
I wont mention how many additional shows I calculated I could have seen if we would have just let go to begin with.
“The Omnipotent Grateful Dead!”
My Mixed relationship
This is my second mixed relationship (first didn't work out, but I never learn.) As I am sure many of you know, trying to explain to someone who doesn't get the Dead why you like them is next to impossible. Since I don't wear my "deadheadness" on my sleeve (I'm not the stereotypicaly patchouli wearing, long-haired, hippy--although I used to be) it often comes as quite a surprise to folks that I like the Dead. And when they discover I like them, they don't quite get how much or why--and I've generally given up trying to explain it.
When I told my current significant other that I liked the Dead (about 4 years ago) and used to follow them around, she kind of chuckled (a chuckle of relief that the Dead were now defunct and she didn't have to worry about me zipping off to shows). I have tried to subtly have her listen to them in the car or when she gets home from work I will have them on---invariably I get this "What's this?" in a mildly disapproving tone.
The good thing is that she has a similar attraction to another group (the Barenaked Ladies--a very different group from the Dead, but one I can appreciate and that puts on a good show) so at the very least she can relate to the obsession one has with a favorite band like the Dead. She also thinks its funny to "out me" with her friends who are very "straight" and like only Top 40. She finds it amusing their reaction when they discover that I used to be a long haired acid dropping hippy.
What I have tried to do is to get her to listen to "dead-ish" bands with some success so we can find a happy middle ground. Other than that, I just play the Dead mostly when she isn't around or at least I don't blast them when she is home.
It works.
As a relatively new Deadhead
As a relatively new Deadhead I have to say that it is comforting to see that there are others who have a similar situation regarding their SO. My wife and I have been together for over ten years, and over the course of this time we have come to realize that there a some things we will never agree on. Musically, it is of course the Dead. While she is tolerant most of the time, there are times when I have it playing and she will ask, "Do we have to listen to this?" I generally try to listen to it when I'm in the car or when I have the house to myself. However, it is becoming obvious to me that my wife will soon be out numbered because my two year old will start dancing and having a blast while listening to certain songs, mainly "China Cat" and "Morning Dew." She is such a Daddy's girl.
"...the powerful plays goes on, and you may contribute a verse"
-Walt Whitman-
it's caused fights.
It's caused fights between me and my significant other. we've both got our own ipods, and they overlap in some respects, but hers contains much more popular music. She can tolerate jamming, for instance she like Umphrey's McGee, but she'd rather listen to something she can sing...which isn't the Dead, or Phish, or anything that i'd rather be listening to. So, it caused a couple of minor fights between us in the car, but otherwise it's not too bad, we're learning to tolerate eachother's music, which is good.
he's been coming around over the last seven years....
When my husband and I first met, he was a jazz dj on the local volunteer radio station. Not just any jazz, but hard bop. He believes his musical tastes have not only evolved from rock to jazz, but that hard bop is superior in some way to just about all other forms of music. I think he is a music snob.
The thing is, though, he is so awesome, that he still took me to every show I ever wanted to go to. Even a few years ago, at Bonnaroo, when it was storming, and he was cold and wet, and wanted to go back to our tent, I begged him to stay for the second half of the show, and he stayed. We try to share music time in the car, and I really enjoy listening to Pharoah Sanders, Ornette Coleman, and Coltrane...now. There have a been a few times even when he has put the Dead on real loud on Saturday mornings to get me going. So even if his motives for turning it on and up were a little ulterior...I still really liked it.
He certainly understands musical obession. I have to say that I feel pretty blessed that he can dig it sometimes on some occassions, even if he doesn't enjoy it quite as much as I do.
hilarious
Great commentaries. So relatable. Hub and I are jokingly dubbed "the Gucci...and the Grateful Dead". He's Brooks Brothers....Im Birkenstocks, but hey--I have learned not to question what works. Have to give him Kudos for trekking to shows with me, listening to jams on long trips...( quote, "what are these songs, like two hours long?) and quietly accepting my incense burning, occasional trade off of $$ perfume he bestows on me for a dab of patchouly, and my predictable summer wardrobe of hippie dresses. He had never been to any form of Dead show until "The Dead" in Bristow--'04. I laughed at his comments that "there will be like, 30 people there" ( 10,000, actually). He marveled at the Shakedown St scene before the show, and by the end of it all...I think I detected a tiny bit of sway on his part toward the end. He purchased some Dicks Picks sets upon departure---but swears to this day, the Dead are not his thing....hey, it's never too late hun. :)
Disco Queen
I married a disco queen - and I used to have a bumper sticker that said "Disco Sucks". It generally works ok, though I don't get to listen to the Dead much around her. I did take her to a couple shows, and I think she got the groove, but come intermission she was sure it had to be over. LOL
She's a trained dancer, so she laughs at my moves, and swears I hear beats that aren't there. I tried to tell her to listen for the beats in the spaces between, but I don't think it translates properly to the uninitiated..
However, I get to infect our baby daughter, so the last laughs on her!
Opposites to the core
I shouldn't say complete opposites but pretty close. I love the Dead, She loves Tesla. I went to a Tesla show with her and 2 friends to be able to say that I had gone. I dealt with it, not bad actually. They played Truckin, I would never have guessed, so that part was really good, but the Tesla heads that kept bumping into me spilling my beer part I could do without. All in all not a bad evening, and she loved me even more, just for the effort!! I took her to see RatDog as the Dead weren't around anymore when we got together. She liked watching all the heads more than listening to the music. I wish she had been able to have seen the Dead, I don't know if that would have changed anything or not, but at least she would be able to understand better. But we love each other and Lord I can see that it is true!!!!
im glad im not the only one....
Well, reading this makes me feel like there are other people out there similar to me. I met my husband after I had given up tour and going to lots of shows, but still was a deadhead at heart. My husband and I are pretty much complete opposites. He is very serious, intellectual, neat and tidy, and by the book. Well, it wasn't until we had really together that I brought up the dead. Now you are going to hate this, turns out he was one of the evil vendors on tour. Yes, don't kill me. He came over from India with 18 dollars in his pocket and saw that he could sustain himself selling things from India on tour. He says he never went into the shows, but he knows alot about the culture. His favorite song is Stella Blue. So, Im in a situation where I am married to someone that 1) was frowned upon by "real" deadheads, 2) knows about ALOT about tour and the dead but wasn't really a deadhead. It's wierd. Its funny where life takes you. He listens to alot of Johnny Cash, Willie Nelson, Dwight Yoakham... He gives the Dead credit for being musicians, especially in this day and age where that seems to be a dying breed. But he is not a deadhead, and will never be one. I listen mostly in my car on the way to work (40 minute commute one way) and on my ipod.
Wonderful stories, all!
I can relate to all these stories. My ex-wife was no Dead Head either. Most of the time, she called it "noise". She was a Beatlemaniac. Thankfully, we had a love of Blues in common.
But, she's gone now, and I'm searching for another soulmate who is into the Dead, (amongst other incompatible and mutually exclusive criteria).
Simpathy for those on the other side of the fence
Someone above mentioned overdoing it with GD music and turning someone off. Yes this can be done. Happened to me at one point and I *like* the Grateful Dead so I feel for those on the other side of the fence.
Buddy of mine was exclusive, all GD all the time as a kind of continuous life soundtrack. A great guy, truely a fine human being but being around this music every waking moment was oppressive after a while. Especially since the only music making device we had out in the country where we were at the time was a little one-speaker language-lab-type mono cassette deck. This poor, ancient, 70s vintage machine with the big buttons and the eject that made the tape sproing out the top, was literally played to death. On its last legs the heads were filthy and the mechanical parts were noisily grinding themselves to bits with a loud whirring sound, as my friend continued to force it into service. The general effect was what the Grateful Dead would have sounded like if they had been playing underwater with a guy using an electric shaver in the foreground. The "music" was unintelligable but vaguely familiar. Interestingly I retained an appreciation the Grateful Dead, their mystery and their moving evocative music and went on trading and going to shows and winding up in this wing of cyberspace. However I have sympathy for beleaguered SOs listening to that 28 version "Truckin' Compilation" tape all the way to Cleveland in the car.
Yesterday this day's madness did prepare.
suburbia, husband doesn't do dead and kids
I get to listen to the Dead while I work in my studio on my illustrations when nobody is around.Hey, it works... dead music is very inspirational to me. My man just doesn't get it (he's a jazz/blues man) and my sweet funny little girl loves Hannah Montana. So this is the way
it is and the way it will be.
Infinitely relatable...
I'm one of those "later in life" Deadheads; I knew of them but didn't really get into them until the early 90's, through a woman who became my wife. One day she brought home several Dick's Picks sets and my musical world was forever changed.
The marriage didn't survive, but my love for the Dead did. My current s/o prefers top 40 and Eminem (gasp) and like many I've seen in these posts, just doesn't get my love for the Grateful Dead, though I've tried many times to explain it. We both work from home and from the moment I start my day, I'm listening to the boys via radioio.com. She listens to whatever she listens to, and it seems to work out reasonably well. She's stopped asking why I like the Dead, and I have stopped trying to understand the appeal of Eminem. It's just easier that way...
"Goodbye, Mama and Papa,
Goodbye, Jack and Jill
The grass ain't greener, the wine ain't sweeter,
Either side of the hill"
islandmyk@yahoo.com
TLEO
My gal was ripping me about how I needed to get real and "stop listening to DRUG music". My argument was that she had too many preconceived notions about The GD.
She is a good girl but at times incredibly shallow (of course, I have my faults,too). She was telling me that I needed to leave The Grateful Dead behind and grow up. I was listening to Sirius 17 (a satellite Jam Band Channel/GD Channel) on my boat while all this was going on. She said "if I could just start listening to songs like this" things would be okay. It was The GD doing "Loose Lucy".
She's warming to them.
Jazz and Blues
Sounds like the Dead to me. Throw in a little folk, a little rock and roll and you've got The Dead
live and let live
My adorable wife has little or no interest in the Dead, indeed she has little interest in music at all… she never went through the teenage phase where music was ‘so important’ never had a crush on a pop star, never followed any band, never found an album ‘crucial’, never signed up to the orthodoxy of what is or is not cool. As a result her taste such as it is, is utterly random, with equal interests in individual tracks she happens to like from any genre.
Another consequence of this is that she has not wrecked her hearing (its way too late for me to tell between this MP3 and lossless business) ….I used to take her to a few gigs, but she ends up in pain, stuffing bits of tissue in her ears or waiting outside till its over. When I put the Dead on at what I feel an acceptable volume, she takes the dog in the garden to protect both their ears.
Sounds like a real straight eh?…well you’re so wrong there …she is as free a spirit as anyone….just got there by a different path...that makes her all the more fun to be with.
So how does it work with the Dead…well headphones of course and the work we both do means that we spend a lot of the time (around 1/3) apart, so I have the place to myself often enough to turn it up (the dog automatically goes upstairs when he sees me approach the CD player). When I am away I stack up the laptop and ipod with GD goodies. She treats my GD obsessions with tolerant amusement and has no fear that I will run off with a younger woman because I already did that (with her!). Just the best!
"Nightmare Hippie Girl"
My husband since '96 loves what I like to refer to as "begging music" as in Begging for a piece of A** ! I on the other hand I love Older music that tells a story. I can play a few songs when were together, but forget Fire>Drums>Space..etc . He's gone to a few shows with me, but NO Dylan! We've gotten used to it, although sometimes it seems like a house divided, bc were always listening to music. I can tell when he's upset with me bc he'll play Nightmare Hippie Girl, by Beck! It works itself out though and we'll keep on truckin. Hey, atleast he'll still buy me a Dead CD every now and again. There's always hope PEACE
tleo
My wife is from Norway and had no clue about the dead before she met me. Over the course of our marriage, I've thrown on a show or two here and again and she always says that she likes it, but she's more of a pink floyd girl. Now that Sirius has the GD channel, I find myself immersed in the world like I haven't been in 15 years or so and I hope she doesn't get burned out! The first real negative sign was when she turned on the stereo and started playing whatever cd was in there - it turned out to be an Aud. from early '68 - and she said she had to turn it off because the sound quality was so bad!! Hard to argue with that I s'pose!When I got home, she had Simon & Garfunkle playing...
My wife is coming around, lol.
Over 2 years ago, for some strange reason, looking for music that matteredand just felt organic; The GD came into my life. At first my wife, who is a
HUGE classic rock fan, thought it was a phase and like me NEVER really
likes live music cds. Well, 25 GD cds later, most of them live...she is starting
to find songs that finish and she says, "what was that?" I grin, The DEAD
and she replies, "hey, I liked that."
P.S. We have tickets to the March 22, Ratdog show in Milwaukee...
im so pumped a night with my soulmate and great music!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Rich man step on my poor head,
When you get up you better butter my bread."
So close to home
This is a great topic, and one that needed to post, if for no other reason than to vent about our spouses/significant others. For the life of me, I cannot figure out why anyone who has had the opportunity to listen to GD would not fall in love with the music. I realize it's an acquired taste, however, there's been many years she could have acquired it. So having our own I-pods is the best thing that could have happened. Although now we jockey to see who can get theirs first on the docking station first. =0)
Fall Out Boy? or Grateful Dead? You pick......
We say we compliment each other...
My husband of 11 years can not stand the Dead. He can't stand live music UNLESS it is so orchestrated and in an accoustically balanced forum. He is a jazz musician and has perfect pitch, can play ANYTHING by ear, and has no use for Jerry forgetting lyrics, people talking through a concert, or the whole "freaky people scene." I knew from the start he wasn't into the Dead- or even rock music- from the get go. He's a jazz man and into groups I had never heard of. Some days it's choral music, then chants, then Miles Davis, then the funk hits and old Tower of Power is blaring. The Yellowjacks, Dave Grisham, Accoustic Alchemy.... it goes on. Talk about opposites attracting. He can sit down with his jazz hollow body guitar and play be the sweetest Sugaree or other tunes, but he can't stand the tapes, concert scene, or the 20+ minute jams. His view is to tease and tickle, anything past 5 minutes of jam is overkill in his eyes. Speaking of Eyes, he does like the Without A Net Eyes w/Wynton Marcelis. Unfortunately for him, I had mail ordered and gotten confirmation for show tix and then Jerry died, so my husband never got to see a show. Luckily, I have a long time DH buddy, known each other since 2nd grade! We go to shows together and his wife is like my guy- not into it. My ex-husband didn't like them either, but in our 10 year marriage he went to over 50+ shows! He liked the lot scene. Now with 2 kids, I have no time to listen during my after work hours, so I play the boyz in my classroom, car, and wherever my laptop goes. Our way of dealing- major compromise-we take turns on long car rides and made our first wedding dance a Van Morrison song instead.
Ami
William - O
My words exactly: How could Anyone Not LOVE the Dead????? Your comment made me smile, bc you are Right On!!
PEACE
Oh man!
This is my favorite thread ever.
It speaks volumes to me that there are many other 'heads in this situation. Good to know you're not alone!
My girl likes the GD. She doesn't love them, she doesn't hate them. We've been to shows together, in fact one of our most memorable moments together was at a Dark Star Orchestra show. But there are of course times when it gets "a little bit much" for her. Which is fine.
I will say though, it is hard for me to understand how the Dead are not universally regarded as a phenomenon! =)
It's like beets
either you like them or you don't. For years my wife loved to go to shows and dance and check out the vendors in the parking lot, but she never has had much use for any kind of recorded Dead and for some reason cannot stand Bobby. My solution is not to play it much when she's around. The way it has worked out over 18 years is that I like most all music she likes and she likes some of what I listen to. Ami, I know how you feel. One of my best friends, who I used to play with, is a tremendous jazz musician (way better than me) and he was appalled by the shaky harmonies and less than stellar execution that came along from time to time. We have agreed to disagree. However once he walked in the room while some version of Scarlet Begonias was playing and had to admit he liked it.
OH MY GOD!
OH MY GOD! how can any one of you people be Dead Heads & not marry another dead head? The funniest one I read is the one about the guy who's got his 6 yr. old son singing with him now-I can only hope my 4 yr. old grandson & 2 yr. old granddaughters will so the same soon! & his father grew up with the band.......I was one of the lucky ones-both my ex & current hubby of the past 14 years (although we've known each other for 30yrs) were into the GD..............ok, back to work......enough play for now...............www.walkupwear.com
Not sure how it works...
I was in a long-term relationship with another Head and it worked very well - well, until recently. Not sure I could be with someone who wasn't as into them as I am or more. Can it really work?
my S.O.
stevie cWe have been together for 23 years, 3 kids, 2 states and several dogs and cats, and parrots. When we met, she was into airplane, hot tuna, csn&y, and the dead. She said that she saw the dead in central park and in madison square garden. However, the only music of theirs she was familiar with were their studio albums. Now back in the late 70's early 80's I had about 400 casette tapes of concerts, 20+ dead shows, and 10+ jerry and bobby shows under my belt. Nowadays she tells me I am a fanatic and I made her not like the dead anymore. I LOVE the dead, and miss jerry almost as much as my son that passed to next world last jan. I play my guitar everyday and it drives her crazy because anything I play i do it in traditional dead style. Even in church, I play psalms and hymns like jerry would have. We don't even listen to music together anymore because of our tastes. I think I try to meet her half way but she just doesn't give it a chance.Anyone with any thoughts? stevie c
I'm laughing reading these
I'm laughing reading these posts. So I'd thought share my experience:
My first girl was my high school sweetheart...I introduced her to the dead and the funny thing is even though we've been broken since '94 I just got an email last week from her saying that it was the thing about me she was most thankful for.
"Not doing to bad ol friend. Still got the Dead in ya...I see. Good Good. Best thing ya ever showed me. Been going to nearly every availbale possible show for years. Also a Big Ratdog fan now. quite a love story- you and me. 10 years. "
So fast forward to June, 2006:
My girlfriend and I had just got to Milwaukee's Summerfest to see Tom Petty & Pearl Jam play (good show by the way) on the 28th. So after that, I "talked" her into seeing String Cheese and Ratdog on the 6th of july. I was all pumped before the show and totally diggin the vibe, I was home with my family. Bobby opens up with Monkey & The Engineer, energy was like the summer night HOT. As I'm dancing around like a head on the picnic tables to the second song in the set, my favorite, Cassidy, she says to me, "These people smell like patchouli oil and haven't taken a shower for weeks." Being a head for along time I was completely offended by that statement. It was right then and there I had a total ephinany....she's not even close to being the right one for me. I'm in it for love. I tried to love someone I'm not, high maintanence and judgemental. I should have known the first time we went camping ;-) It took me a little longer to realize it was true and broke up with her a month later.
I was done looking for my Sugar Magnolia....and WHAM out of the blue comes a girl that was closer to my roots. She didn't care about how cute she looked, there's no outlet for a hair dryer, or what kind of jeans someone was wearing. She was beautiful to the ends of the earth and kind with all her heart. We started dating and first thing I did was say, "Hey Babe, you wanna go to Ratdog and The Allman Brothers at the Charter One Pavillion with me?" She's only 22 (believe me I was very reluctant at first but after meeting we just knew) and didn't even know who Bobby was. She was really excited to go and learn about where I came from.
In the parking garage at Soldier Field (alas the last place Jerry played) we hung out before the show....she was totally at home and really diggin the GD Hour tape I was playing from '98. It wasn't like the Oakland Coliseum lot D or anything but we had alot of fun with the "fams". So we walk around the harbor to get to the pavillion dancing around the people along the way. It was an amazingly cool summer night with a perfect breeze coming from Lake Michagan. As we get into the show, it's just a chill vibe.
Jam > Playin in the Band > Ramble On Rose, Cold Rain and Snow The mode of the show was a real slow tempo chill night. I was sing every word and we both were rockin out around the bleachers. She said,"Om my god, you know every single word to these songs...that's awesome! These people are amazing." We keep dancing and singing until Ratdog pulls out Dear Prudence, she's a huge Beatles fan, she say every single word smiling from ear to ear. It was amazing. Allman Bros played, needless to say we had a perfect night.
As were driving home from the show, she tells me that the show made her feel like she was at home....boy did she know I felt.
I fell madly in love with her after that night. If I had the world to give, I'd give it to her. As long as I live.
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Will you come with me? Once in awhile you can get shown the light in the strangest of places if you look at it right!
Here's another (unusual?!) example
Husband and wife first meet working event security at a concert venue. He-basic classic rock type(Boston/Kansas...)/She-basically musically multi-faceted(being in that business, I think that should be a job skill but that's just my opinion.) She admittedly did not become a Dead aficionado until after working her first show. Turs out the music tastes are given mutual respect in the house and has been for over 21 years now.
My hubby
who I met at a show is starting to fade away!We went on tour together in the 80's, what a long strange trip.....
Im not gettin off the bus..
He is not much of a head anymore, it makes me sad :(
He is a workaholic now and we never spend time together anymore.
I go to shows with friends now,
Thank god for dead.net cause I met lots of new friends to tour with me in 09!!
Dont know how to pull him back in :/
My Honey
He is by no means a Head. He doesn't like going to live shows much either. But we've worked for 8 years now. He knows about my life on the road and my love for the Dead. There are bears, a Jerry Doll, drawings all over our home. He just smiles and says "As long as your happy." This past week when the news was announced and I was dancing around our tiny apartment he just laughed and said it was good to see me smile again. We give each other space and respect musically. We click on many other levels and music differences is just a small part of who we are as a couple.
Middle ground?
My sweet Significant Other doesn't really care much for the dead. There are some tunes that she likes, but overall she feels that they are too country. I've pretty much given up on convincing her that they are really roots rock in the grand American tradition.She is a Wiccan, and is much more into trance music and other forms whose names I don't even remember. Strange thing is that she loves to turn up the volume and dance, but just can't relate to doing that with the Dead ( no matter how many times I try to explain that the Dead is really a dance band, her kind of dancing). I wish I could have taken her to a Dead show. Then maybe she would understand a little better. We manage to work it out though, me listening during my commute and when outside doing yardwork and other errands, and she listening to her music during those times I am away.
Fortunately, we do agree on the middle ground, groups like CSNY, Cake, Neil Young to name a few. After all, we're all just dancing in a ring around the sun!
How could you?
How could you marry someone who's not a dead head? That's a very good question and one that I was recently asked of me (with a tone of actual shock) by a couple at a fall ratdog show. They didn't know my history so I explained that in the end, it was fear, self preservation, and wishful thinking.
My first husband and I met my freshman year in college. We instantly became best friends and fell deeply in love, all to the backdrop of the Dead. We'd actually walk around campus together singing dead songs in between classes...cried to the dead, made love to the dead... you get the idea. All dead, all the time...going to as many shows as we could afford and that time would allow. You know... great times, high times, the best of times....
We married upon graduation and although we had been party buddies thoughout our four years in school, it was time to start living life as adults and keep it all in perspective. Long, painful story short, 12 years and had 3 beautiful children later, the excessive drugs, drinking and endless stream of hiding and lying finally destroyed the relationship. Still breaks my heart to this day. Anyway...
Unfortunately, he (and the pain) seemed to be sadly tied to the Dead "lifestyle" so when i began dating and seriously considering a new husband, the fact that the man WASN'T into the Dead seemed like a bonus at the time.
It all comes down to tradeoffs. Lets face it; i was fearful of deja vu all over again, so despite my new man's disdane of my birkenstocks, his inability to comprehend my freaky dancing and his obvious lack of love for all things Jerry and Bobby, I married him. At the time, i wasn't THAT into it any more anyway...or so I thought.
About 6 months later, I happened upon my Englishtown 77 disc. It was literally like reuniting with an old familar lover, without the guilt! And so it went... I slowly but surely drifted back to it all, chosing to focus on how much I love "it" (the music), rather than how much I used to love "him" (the first husband). While this approch works for the most part, I'll be the first to admit that Bird Song still make me cry like a baby... but I digress...
My second husband and I have been married 5 years now and have seen a few shows together...the Other Ones, Phil and friends and a few Ratdog shows. Although I know he'll go if asked, he makes a point of reminding me that there are "so many great bands we can be spending our money on..and besides, I don't dance and never will."
To that comment, all I can do is . So much for wishful thinking...
Bottom line:
Since his tolerance is a poor substitute for actual enjoyment and tends to take away from my experience, here's how we make it work.
1. One "dead' related show together per year max. I can go with friends to any shows anytime I want. No guilt in either direction allowed.
2. Sirius 32 subscription. That was my birthday present from him along with noise cancellation headphones. Best present I ever received. I listen all day long while i work and he dutifully listens to me recount what happened today in GD history or what might have been discussed on the Golden road. He may not actually care, but he'll listen nicely and appreciate the fact that if it makes me happy, it makes him happy.
3. Long car trips. We both try to be reasonable. We'll tolerate listening / or not listening to our preferences for as long as we can before one of us grabs the sirius radio and changes the channel.
The good news is, he's IS making some progress. The other day i was watching an online video and from the kitchen I heard him say "Is that Eyes of the World? That's a nice version" Big grin... why yes, yes it is.... Now, if I can just get him to start singing with me....
it goes to show you don't never know...
Lovely story
Sugar-Mags, and sounds like two reasonable people have met their match. Glad for you!!!!!!!**********************************
Don't part with your illusions. When they are gone, you will still exist, but you have ceased to live.
Samuel Clemens
I'm the spouse who didn't get it. . .
But please note the past tense - there is a happy ending :)Dave and I have been together for 33+ years, and he's been into the Dead since he was 12 or so. I never had anything against them, but I wasn't really a fan and mostly just knew their biggest commercial hits (Truckin, Sugar Magnolia). We had a lot of bands we liked in common, so we really weren't musically incompatible, but I didn't quite get the Dead thing (Why would anyone want to go to three shows in a row? Don't you already have that song on another album?)
Fast forward to Sept 2004, and we're on vacation at a beautiful resort on the southern Maine coast. One of the CDs we brought was Dicks Picks 14, which contains the longest, loveliest versions of Eyes and Sunshine. At some point during the week, I realize that the soundtrack to our vacation is the MOST WONDERFUL MUSIC I have ever heard, and just like that, I'm hooked! Since then, I've had an insatiable appetite for their music, and that's pretty much what's always playing at our little cottage by the river. I've seen Ratdog 6 times in the past few years, and I'm so excited to be going to my first Dead shows in April in Worcester. I think Dave is more excited for me than he is for himself. He says he's not surprised that he finally "turned" me, he's just surprised it took me so long. Thanks, Dave! If I had the world to give, I would absolutely give it to you!
Slowly but Surely
I was never one to believe in love at first sight, that is until I met my now wife almost 12 years ago. Me in my Birks and unkempt appearance, her off the pages of a fashion magazine. She managed to get me off the bus for a time, took me to get a haircut and some shopping and Banana Republic, funny the things we do for love.Almost 4 years later we find out that we are expecting a baby, well not so much expecting as surprised as hell that she had become pregnant. Alittle soul searching and I found myself drawn back to the comforts of my tapes. My daughter was born and we would dance and still dance around to the music of The Dead then my son born several years later and he is a Head at heart...
Long story short, She doesnt hate them anymore actually quite the opposite, we went to a "Dead Tribute Festival" this past summer at a local winery, me and the kids are bouncing around to Bertha and who should I catch out of the corner of my eye totally jammin...My lovely wife, on the car ride home she looked and me and smiled and said 'I get it now'
I just kept taking my wife to shows
Against her will at first but now she can't wait for NYE in San Fran. Not only does she get the seeing them 3 nights in a row thing but now she gets the teavelling aspect of it. Hey if you don't live on the coasts, you have to travel if you want to see them.
It's all about perserverance! ;-)
"I've stayed in every blue-light cheap hotel. Can't win for tryin. Dust off those rusty strings just one more time. Gonna make em shine."
Make that "travelling aspect" sheesh!
"I've stayed in every blue-light cheap hotel. Can't win for tryin. Dust off those rusty strings just one more time. Gonna make em shine."
I always liked the Dead, but loved them when I met my wife
I'm only 30. I know.....I've heard it all before. "How can you really like the Dead?"Well, I do.
It's one of the things I have in common with my wife. Well, now she's used this great site to meet someone else......
I have my faults. I love my wife to pieces, but I'm not always the best at showing her. I'm 7 years younger, so in a way, she's always felt like my mom. There's a lot of small things that all added up. I know I can make my wife happy again.
I just need a chance.
It's hard to let go after 12 1/2 years, even if she is breaking my heart.
Thank goodness for 2 beautiful daughters. All I have now to make me happy......